Bdoff's Happy Fun Gay Times Returns

2004-10-27T18:22:00.000-07:00

So I'm sitting here watching the World Series game 4 right now and I thought I'd drop by and drop you all a line. I'm getting a little concerned however because its the end of the third inning, Boston is up 3-0, they have a 3-0 series lead, and there is still no sign of Babe Ruth. Now I know Babe Ruth is dead....I'm referring to his curse of course. Those of you whom are baseball fans know what I'm talking about. But for those of you whom aren't, allow me to elaborate. Back in 1918, the Boston Red Sox were the most dominant team in Baseball, thanks to their pitcher and power hitter, Babe Ruth. However, a sudden and shocking trade sent Babe Ruth to the New York Yankees organization. Ever since that trade, the Yankees have had tremendous success and Boston....well Boston has choked.....A LOT! Some say it's just been a string of bad luck, and a very long string at that. Others however say that the spirit of Babe Ruth has been plaguing the Red Sox for all these years, and that is why they have failed to win a World Series. What makes it even more interesting is that they've had their chances. It seems like every year they are in the playoffs and three times since 1918 they have made the World Series itself. However, they never fail to amaze their fan base with a new way to screw it all up. But like I said, maybe it is out of their control. Maybe the spirit of Babe Ruth is just too powerful. Or maybe the curse has passed. As of right now that appears to be the case. Allow me to explain my theory. Lets think about this for a moment. What would happen if a counter curse hit Boston? What am I talking about you ask? Well allow me to explain. What would happen if Boston made an aquisition and actually benefited from it. Well that alone would not be a big deal, because their is always someone who benefits from a trade. But what if this person that they acquired possessed a curse of their own. This in turn would take over the curse in Boston and turn Babe Ruth's curse into positive energy, therefore resulting in a World Championship within a couple years. The new, more powerful curse would of course take it's negative effects on the team that traded or got rid of the particular player. So where the hell am I going with this you ask? Well don't get your panties in a bunch. Let me finish. Manny Ramirez. He is the key to this whole mess. You see once upon a time good ole Manny played for the Cleveland Indians, and they had some success. They had a string of 6 consecutive years where they made the playoffs and did pretty well, making the World Series two of those years. Unfortunately, John Hart left the organization for Texas and this other asshole came in and started running the show like he was.....ok so maybe he was the one who was supposed to be running the show. My point is, before I knew what hit the franchise, Manny was gone and in Boston. He didn't completely leave however. He left his curse behind, which as far as I'm concerned is much worse than Babe Ruth's curse. What am I getting at? Well folks you heard it here first.....the Cleveland Indians are the majors new cursed team. Forget about the Boston Red Sox. They are on the verge of winning their first world championship in 86 years. It's the Cleveland Indians...and it could be a long time before they are singing "Cleveland Rocks" on the shores of Lake Erie. My guess is 200 years....well past my lifetime. However, if somehow the Red Sox find a way to lose this World Series, everything I've ranted about has been worthless and I just wasted 20 minutes of my life. Until next time.......

Is the curse of Babe Ruth fo real? Is the curse of Manny Ramirez fo real? Fo shizzle? My nizzle? What the crap am I talking about? Find out next time...same gay time...same gay place.

2004-10-05T19:49:00.001-07:00

HEY FOLKS! Long time no post. Well Ive been really really busy lately, but things are starting to calm down here a bit. That is why Im finally back with you all, posting like I always wish I could. Unfortunately that force, known as THE MAN, has kept me from you for a month or two. Seriously, THE MAN is really pissing me off lately. College really sucks for a start. Then there is work, which always sucks, but getting paid is a necessity. Maybe if I have time I can still fit in some golf, but I dont bet my life on it. Seriously, I cant wait for these "glory days" aka college to be done with. They are so stressful and even though I only go two days a week, lets remember Im taking 18 credit hours which just blows. Just to give you a clue as to how stressed I am, I have provided some pictures for you to look at. These pictures provide you with visuals of my post school activities, and how I go about dealing with the stress of college. Unfortunately, Im a dumbass and I posted all the pictures backwards. So look at the last picture first, the second to last picture second, and so on. Be sure to read on after them for I have more to rant about....

2004-10-05T19:49:00.000-07:00

After all my post school activities, I fall asleep....finally the end of a long ass day. Unfortunately, I have to do it all again the next day. What is the point of life again?

2004-10-05T19:47:00.000-07:00

After Im done yanking all my hair out, I usually calm down and watch tv. The tv is to the left of me there...its what Im looking at. It really helps to ease my pain.

2004-10-05T19:46:00.000-07:00

This is the second thing I do after a long day at school. Usually after my headache subsides, I get really pissed and I start to yank my hair out. Luckily I have strong roots!

2004-10-05T19:44:00.000-07:00

This is the first thing I do everyday when I get home from school. After a long stressful day, I lay down on my bed and ponder why the crap I put myself through so much pain and suffering. Then I usually realize that I have a really bad headache, but there isnt a damn thing I can do about it because I dont have any Advil.

2004-10-05T19:22:00.000-07:00

Ok....all that put aside lets move on. I have one little rant for tonight. Lately in my Mass Communications class we have been talking about music, and how it influences society. Well our professor time and time again asks us why we think people get so emotional about music, and I never say anything, but I should. Now I don't know exactly why you personally get emotional about words with a flow, aka music, and to tell you the truth I dont know why I do either. But I do know one thing.......todays music is CRAP! Seriously, now adays all one has to do is put a couple of cuss words together, add a beat that a dog's wagging tail can create, and you have yourself a platinum album. Ok...so that applies to rap. What about all that other crap they play on 92.5 and 98.3. Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera.....they shouldnt try to impress people with their music, because it all is crap. Artists like them need to start being able to tell their right from their left.....that would impress me. Seriously now, whatever happened to the days when one would sit down in front of the tube and watch music videos. Do you remember what those were? I'm not talking about a bunch of manwhores dancing around Christina Aguilera in a dark ceiler.....although I didnt mind that one so much for obvious reasons. I'm talking about the good ole 80s videos, when all one had to do was film a man and a woman making out and put it in slow motion. Yeah it was kind of boring, but the music itself always delivered. Being a fan of the 80s, and Billy Joel, Foreigner, Elton John, and Don Henley more specifically, I have to agree that the days of good music are gone, and until agents in todays music industry can look past the mumbling, slutty, incoherant people also known as artists, I will continue to feel that way. Now you know another reason why I get so stressed these days.

Well, I think I've ranted on plenty for tonight. There is plenty more to come soon and I PROMISE you I will try and deliver more often. Hey....look at the bright side of things...at least I deliver more than today's music! Until next time........

Will Brian's stress cause him to get gray hair? Does the music in today's world really suck that bad, or is Brian just in a really bad mood? How many more years will it be before Brian updates again? Find out next time...same gay time...same gay place....

2004-08-16T19:31:00.000-07:00

Hello there fellow readers. I want to get something off my chest right away. I know some of you have complained about the quality of the posts lately, and personally I could give a flying fudge. I'm trying my best here so DEAL WITH IT! Sorry about that...ok. There is so much I would like to go off about and I know you all would like to hear it, but I'm going to have to save that for another day for I have better plans for tonight's festivities. It came to my attention last week that I make reference to many people in my life, and some of you haven't the slightest idea whom I'm talking about. So tonight I'm goign to do what no other blog has done before. Ok...so that's probably not true. But it is true to say that I have never done it. I'm going to post nothing but pictures. That's right...using my lastest advancements in picture technology, I'm going to post pictures of my friends, myself, and anything else I feel relevent. Hopefully this will give you all a better idea of who I am and what my life is like behind the scenes here at Bdoff's Happy Fun Gay Times. So without further ado, lets get to the pics........

2004-08-16T19:20:00.000-07:00

This here is me...in case you didn't know that. I'm not very photogenic as you can see.

2004-08-16T19:19:00.000-07:00

Here is a picture of me on my way home from a waterpark earlier this summer. I got burnt pretty bad that day as you can see.

2004-08-16T19:16:00.000-07:00

This is my housemate at the moment, Aaron Laird. He can be more of a bitch than my mom at times, but he is usually pretty nice to me.

2004-08-16T19:15:00.000-07:00

This here is Hollywood Bryan Bockbrader. This is the kid that goes to school out in L.A. and is going to make it big someday. At least that's what he says........

2004-08-16T19:14:00.000-07:00

This is my good friend, Scott Shiffert. A lot of people thinks he looks like Stiffler from the American Pie trilogy. Personally, I think he looks hung over though.

2004-08-16T19:12:00.000-07:00

This is another good friend of mine, Bryn Metcalf. He thinks he is all buff, but I could take him.....

2004-08-16T19:11:00.000-07:00

This is a picture from my freshman year at UT. That's me on the left of course, my good friend and sophomore roommate Aaron Sarver, and our other friend from ole Eastwood High, Shelly Fox.

2004-08-16T19:09:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of our living room and my other housemate/friend since fourth grade, Scott Sibbersen. As you can see from his gesture, we get along real great.

2004-08-16T19:07:00.000-07:00

This is my room in the new apartment. ISN'T THAT 24 POSTER AWESOME?! I got it framed you know.

2004-08-16T19:04:00.000-07:00

This is the kitchen in our apartment...I like it a lot. That's all I can say.

2004-08-16T19:02:00.000-07:00

This is a nice picture of our Basement. Oh...that's Laird's ass too, but I wasn't taking a picture of that I swear.........

2004-08-16T19:00:00.000-07:00

This is another picture of me that I took in our bathroom. Looks like I found yet another way to check myself out in the mirror.

2004-08-16T18:44:00.000-07:00

It's that time again! Time for what you ask? Ok so you didn't...but I always like to build things up a bit. So yeah I know some of you out there aren't happy with the quality of the posts lately, and frankly I could give a flying fudge. I'm trying my best here so just BACK OFF! Ok.....I'm sorry...that was a little over the top. However, I have been keeping a mental list of things to go off about and believe me, when the time is right, I will. But with this latest breakthrough in picture technology, I feel I just have to get this post out of the way. Tonight's post is going to be unlike any other I've ever done before. I realized this past week that I always make reference to my friends and how we have all these wild times together, yet some of you have no clue who I'm talking about. Well those days are over my friends. You know longer will be able to use the excuse, "I didn't read/enjoy your blog because I didn't know who you were talking about.", because tonight my friends, I'm going to unofficially introduce you to my best friends, and give you kind of a sneak peek behind the life of myself, the creator of Bdoff's Happy Fun Gay Times, Brian Brough. How am I going to achieve this awesome feat you ask? Well just scroll down and enjoy my friends......I was talking to you when I said my friends by the way....but I want you to enjoy my friends as well, because I've got some good pictures of them....so enjoy my friends....this means YOU!...

2004-08-09T20:33:00.000-07:00

I got in a fight with my mom once, probably the only time I've ever gone off on her, and to this day I'm not very proud of it. She ended up calling me a son of a b*tch and I responded with "Well what does that make you then?" Yeah...I got grounded after that one. Anyways, ever since that day, she started posting signs around our house. These weren't your ordinary signs however. I think she took them from her first grade classroom or something. To this day I still dont know what inspires her to post them. Maybe she feels that by me reading them, I will think twice before saying something stupid. And it sucks because she puts them in places where I cant miss them. For example, behind the bathroom door which stands right in front of the toilet itself. So while I sit there taking my Cleveland Steamer, I have to put up with reading these signs...over...and over...and over again. Let me get to the point. She put up a sign this week that was made by a company called Character Counts. It was a poster of a girl golfing and there was a quote next to her. It read....."Play with heart.....win with class.....lose with dignity." - Michael Jacobsen (President of Character Counts) I sat there after reading that and thought to myself what a wonderful quote. Then I had to glance back and see who said it because I couldnt remember. Michael Jacobsen.......PRESIDENT OF CHARACTER COUNTS! What the crap is up with that? Some guy takes his own words, puts them on a poster, calls himself Character Counts Corporation, and makes money off that? Im glad Im a business major, because if business is that easy, I could make millions with some of my stupid quotes. See for yourself.....here are the top five quotes I have ever made....at least the ones I can remember anyways..........

Quote number 5- "Get off my ass you f*cking ass!" - Myself getting mad at a car that was riding my rear in the Best Buy parking lot

Quote number 4- "Do I have something hanging from my nose?" - Myself at lunch with Sarver (When I said it, I whispered it in his ear so that nobody at the table would hear. He couldnt keep from laughing though, and eventually my secert was exposed.)

Quote number 3- "YES! IT WILL BE LIKE MIGHTY DUCKS 3 WHEN THE JV BEAT THE VARSITY!" - Myself senior year of high school- my honors physics teacher came up with the idea of a competition between our class and the conceptual physics class. When I heard about the plan, I shouted that quote out in front of a completely silent class. Not my finest moment, but it gained some laughs.

Quote number 2- "When the going get tough, the Brough get going." - Myself- Ive always used that quote, especially when the tough gets going.

Quote number 1- "If I could hit a drive like that, I'd quit school!" - Myself responding to a drive Ross Lingenfelder hit on number 13 at Tanglewood in eighth grade. To this day I still dont know what the crap I meant by that, and thats exactly why its the number one quote Ive ever made.

Well thats all for today. I hope you enjoyed my top five quotes of all time. If I say anything stupid in the future, Ill be sure to post it. Until next time......

Did Brian's mom really call him an SOB? Does the Brough really get going when the going gets tough, or does the going get Brough when the tough get going? Are you confused by that last question? (I know it boggled my mind.) Find out next time. Same gay time...same gay place. Lata!

2004-08-09T20:32:00.000-07:00

Picture of the day....read it closely!

2004-07-30T16:35:00.000-07:00

This is the extra picture of the day that I promised I would throw in...this one is funny as well!

2004-07-30T16:33:00.000-07:00

This is the picture of the day...I found this funny...I hope you do too!

2004-07-30T15:45:00.000-07:00

HEY FOLKS....guess what time it is? No...not Howdy Dudey time....it's Bdoff's Happy Fun Gay Time! Now I know it's been quite awhile since I got into a post and poured my thoughts out like country style gravy over a heaping pile of mashed potatoes, but I feel I still got some creative juice left in my pencil (no perverted pun intended). So first let me go over how things are going to run around here from now on. Everyday I make a post, I will have a picture of the day that will come in the form of another post from that same day. Therefore, you will be getting two posts for the price of one. You get the normal thought pouring post that I've always provided you, and the picture of the day post for the price of the normal thought pouring post. THAT'S RIGHT!! You are getting twice the fun for the price of one! But if you read now, I will even throw in a second picture of the day!! That's the normal thought pouring post that I have always provided my readers with, the picture of the day that I will be providing my readers with from now on, AND a second picture of the day for today's post only! I know how to keep my readers happy. After all, they don't call me a business major for nothing. With that being stressed, lets get started.....

I have left you all hanging for quite sometime and a lot has happened in my life over that time. Heck, I'm practically a new person. I'm hipper, cooler, and more laid back than ever before. Ok...that's not exactly true. If it were, I wouldn't be taking a half hour out of my life on a friday night to type this post up for you. However, things have been changing around here in northwest ohio and I wanted to let you all know about them. Therefore, I present to you the top five events of my summer, all of which have drastically changed my life in one way or the other......or not....either way, you're are going to read them....so deal with it.....

Event number 5- Apartment living- I have lived in a dorm for the past two school years and that was nice. I thought it would be a lot different for me when I was going into my freshman year at UT. I met some people along the way and for the most part I have no complaints. The only thing I regret is not being social. In fact, it took me until the last month of my sophmore year to be somewhat social, and even at that point I would just be considered class C social, with class A being of the most social types and class F being of the stay in your room, pick your nose, masterbat...............too much info....but I use to be a class F. Anyway, I moved into my apartment with two good friends from high school...Scott Sibbersen and Aaron Laird. I have to say so far that it is a lot different from dorm life, and if I had a chance to do it all over again, I would probably pick dorm life. No not because I dont like Sib and Laird, but because when you get an apartment and its not campus housing or near a campus for that matter, you live near a lot of trashy people. Well at least in my case you do......

Event number 4- Party in California- I went on a trip to California with Laird and Aaron Sarver to pick up our good friend Bryan Bockbrader this past June. This trip was a total blast and I will touch more on it later. But event number 4 took place on this trip, and that was the party we went to on the campus of Cal State L.A. the first night we were there. Between a dirty mexican stealing Laird's cigar and smoking it right next to him, me downing three straight shots of captain morgan and everyone staring at me in awe like I was some big drunk, and a bunch of hawiian kids in the kitchen cooking up a storm, I'd say it was one of the highlights of the trip.

Event number 3- July 3rd party at Bock's- Bockbrader threw his annual 4th of July party this past July 3rd, and the turn out was better than ever. I saw a lot of people from high school that I hadn't seen in forever. So what better way to show them I'm a new person then to get.......COMPLETELY WASTED. I mean, I never knew I had it in me. 60% of me is ashamed, but the other 48% of me wants to do it again. I held convos with people that I completely hated in high school, and had I been sober I probably would have left the party since they were there. But at the time I felt like a million bucks and could have cared less. I even called everyone in my phonebook, and most of Sarver's phonebook as well. Heck, I even got a call back from my RA, James, stating that I called him and left him an interesting voicemail. And to top it all off, I threw up five times the next day and had to go to work at 10 in the morning.....moral of the story....getting completely wasted once may just be enough, but there is nothing wrong with getting tipsy....

Event number 2-Jay Leno show in Cali-The event title pretty much speaks for itself. The only show I would like to see in person more than the Jay Leno show is 24, and since they dont have live tapings of that show (thank god), this is the best I could hope for. The guests sucked on the show we saw, but the headlines made up for Marlon Waynes, Jesse James, and Hoobastank, or should I call them Hoobastink! Seriously, if I hear the Reason on 92.5 or 98.3 one more time, I'm going to uninstall my radio player in my car and drive in complete silence.

And finally...Event number 1-Dodgeball premeire-Imagine yourself getting tickets to the Dodgeball premeire...walking side by side with Vince Vaughn down the red carpet....free drinks...free popcorn...and to cap it all off, getting your picture taken with some of the biggest stars in show business. Well you may have to imagine that my friends, but for myself, it became a reality! That's right...every word of that happened to me and I swear to god himself I'm not making it up. Bock sure knows how to hook some good friends up when they come out to L.A. So if you want to be his friend and possibly have that same experience next year, come to his next party/bonfire on August 6th....this one just may make the top five...we shall see....

Well I think this should pretty much get you caught up on where I stand in life right now. As you can see it has been a pretty eventful summer, and with school right around the corner I'm going to go salvage what I have left of it. Until next time.....

Did Brian really walk side by side with Vince Vaughn at the Dodgeball premeire? Did he really throw up 5 times after Bock's fourth of July party? Does he realize that 60% and 48% doesn't equal 100 %? We will find out next time...same gay place...same gay time!

2004-07-28T19:27:00.000-07:00

I know...Im obsessed..ONLY 5 MORE MONTHS!!

2004-07-28T19:17:00.000-07:00

So I know I haven't posted in quite some time....ok it has been pretty much the whole summer but I can explain. You see for the first third of the summer I was at home and I was spending most of my time getting ready for California, which was a blast by the way. Then the second third of the summer I was really busy moving into my new apartment, which is on route 20 between Perrysburg and Stony Ridge if anyone cared. So now that school is right around the corner and the last third of the summer has begun, I figure it is time to get my fingers typing again and give you all something cool to read for once. I guess I have been gone to long though because blogger.com has added a lot of features and I have to be honest I may be in way over my head. But once I get this thing figured out I got a feeling it's going to be awesome. Not only can I change the color of my text, but I can send pictures as well. I have already sent an awesome picture just as an experiment. I think it came up as another post from today, so you can check it out. One last thing before I wrap up for today...I plan on cutting down the lengths of my posts....that way I will probably post more often. I know this post sucks but I didnt really plan on writing anything tonight, and this is more of an experiment than anything. But I promise that later this week I will post many great stories from this summer. Until next time....

What great stories does Brian have in store for us? Will Brian ever be able to figure this new blog out? This post sucked....has Brian lost all his creative juice? Find out next time...same gay place...same gay time.

2004-07-28T19:15:00.000-07:00

Look at this badass...boy I can't wait till January!!

2004-05-10T16:38:00.000-07:00

Phase 2 update......It's been a while and for that I appologize. Lets just say its been a long three weeks or however long its been since I last posted. Allow me to summarize.....pretty much between final exams, moving out of the I house, 24, a worm taking over my computer, and masterbating (wink, wink), I just havent been able to find time to update my gay times. But dont fret, because Im finally on summer vacation, and you know what that means. Well yes....the girls of northwest ohio do show a little more skin and therefore appear hotter than ever, but thats not what Im referring to. I was referring to the fact that I have more time on my hands and as of now the plan is to update as much as I can. So without further a do, I would like to get started on a long past due post............

Something happened a couple weeks ago that I wanted to write about so badly, but I either couldnt find the time or the motivation to do so. So even though this event happened three weeks ago, Im going to talk about it anyways. This particular event took place in my film class. Im sitting in the back of the room being the quite being that I am, when all of a sudden I see this fat chick walk in. As she walked in I couldnt help but notice that her pants were halfway down her ass and she was wearing one of those tight shirts that revealed her stomach. Quite frankly it was disgusting as hell, and you all have heard me go on this rant before so Im not going there. Anyways, as she sat down I caught a glimpse of something that was even more disgusting, her thong. Right as I was going to spew, the professor walked in and started to lecture, so I held it. So during the lecture the professor starts to talk about things that might direct our interest away from a particular movie. For example....the environment we are in, actors we may not like, etc. So this fat chick with the thong raises her hand and says.....I ABSOLUTELY HATE EVERY MOVIE KEVIN BACON IS IN! The professor replies with a, "Well why's that?" Fat chick: "WELL BECAUSE I SAW HIM IN HOLLOW MAN AND EVER SINCE I HAVE JUST BEEN FREAKED OUT BY HIM!" That's when I jumped up and said, "YOU KNOW WHAT! I HAD AN EXPERIENCE LIKE THAT AS WELL! JUST IT WASNT ABOUT KEVIN BACON, IT WAS ABOUT GIRLS AND THONGS! YOU SEE, I SAW THIS FAT CHICK WALK INTO MY FILM CLASS ONE DAY AND SHE WAS WEARING A THONG! NOW EVERYTIME I SEE A GIRL IN A THONG, HOT OR NOT, I CANT HELP BUT IMAGINE WHAT A DISGUSTING SIGHT IT WAS....THAT FAT CHICK IN THE THONG! WAIT...COME TO THINK OF IT....IT WAS YOU!!!!!" Ok ok....so I didnt say that, but my point is fat chicks, and fat chicks ONLY, keep your blubber where no one can see it. The world is a better place without having to see your fat ass cracks and rolled over stomaches. Thanks you.

So summer is finally here and I must say Im not as happy as I thought Id be. Last year I was more than happy to get out of the A house due to the fact that I didnt know ANYONE in that building the entire year. The same was almost true this year, as my only link to the outside world was Aaron Sarver and Matt Nabors, my high school buddies who just happened to be my roommates this year. Ok ok....so we set that up, but the truth is I wasnt all that social with my floor. That is until the last two weeks. Im still not sure what triggered it, but all of a sudden I became more social with people on the floor I only recognized, and they became more social with me. Right now it kinda sucks, because there were all those people that I coulda shared more time with, and I opted not to until the last two weeks. I really dont know where Im going with this. I guess I just wanted to give them all a shout out, and if you lived on my floor and talked to me more than once during the last two weeks of school, you are included in this, and let them know that it wasnt the fact that I didnt like you, it was just the fact that I was afraid to get to know you. And now that the school year is over, I hope you keep in touch and let the dirty north live on forever!!

So the past month has been really tough for me to swallow when it comes to television and movies. For example, Ryan Chappelle was killed in 24. That was devistating for me. I mean, what did that guy ever do to anyone?....besides be an asshole of a boss. Another scene that really hurt to watch was the scene in The Punisher where his family gets murdered gang style. All these however dont even come close to my all time most disturbing scene in a movie or television show. What is it you ask? Well calm down and let me tell you. This particular scene comes from the original Home Alone. If you recall, right before Michael Jackson's boy toy is about to take down the robbers, he makes himself a nice macaroni and cheese dinner. However, right as he is going to dig in, the clock strikes nine and he is forced to go prepare himself for home invasion instead of eat. As a result, the delicious plate of mac and cheese is left sitting on the table all by its lonesome. OMG.....it hurts just to think about. Serously, I know Im obsessed with food, and mac and cheese in particular, but who leaves a perfect plate of microwavable mac and cheese behind? I always wondered what happened to that plate. Did he go back and eat it later? Did he give it to the birds the next morning? God only knows. All I know is that that is the most disturbing scene Ive ever seen, and my god have mercy on his soul for not eating it!

Well folks thats all for tonight! I hope to update later on this week, but who knows if Ill have enough to talk about by then. After all, its summer time which means my life in terms of interesting events is at an annual low. Until next time......

Will Bdoff actually have a profound effect on fat chicks in thongs, or will they continue to wear what they please dispite his aggressive protest? Does Bdoff really miss his fellow dirty northerners, or is he just saying that to make himself look good? Is Bdoff a huge moron for ranting on about a dish of mac and cheese from a movie? Find out next time...same gay time, same gay place.

2004-04-08T10:41:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! I just wanted to start off by saying that I am sorry for slacking off lately. The truth is that lately I've just been feeling kind of lazy and I just haven't found it in me to get up and post a book for you all. Don't take this the wrong way, but your just not important enough. HOWEVER, I cant let this slide too long or Bdoff's return may be expired. So, I thought about it for a while and I came up with a way to post a long, funny post that doesn't involve 16 hours of my time. Ok...more like 30 minutes. Anyway, I woke up this morning to find a surprising IM from the notorious Amanda Fox. She IMed me stating that her afternoon class was cancelled today and she would be making her presence felt in my dorm room around 12 o clock noon. Well I cant just let an opportunity like this slip through my fingers. So today my friends Im going to make history. Today Im going to present to you the FIRST EVER blog interview, featuring Amanda Fox. Here is how it is going to work. Im going to type a question, then she is going to type the response. You see how this is gonna happen? It pretty much cuts my typing in half, which is nice, and still will have the full effect of Bdoffs Happy Fun Gay Time Returns humor. So with out further ado, lets get started shall we.....

Brian: My first guest is a student at the University of Toledo. She is a Communication and English major and will be graduating from Eastwood High School this Spring. She can currently be seen in the new film Project Something. Ladies and Gentleman....AMANDA FOX!

Brian (after a long applause): Wow... How's life been treating ya?

Amanda: Thanks for the great intro. It sounded familiar...like Conan O'Brien you were watching earlier. And I'd like to mention that right now, your perverted roommates are watching uncensored "Girls Gone Wild". That is just disgusting. I'm appalled with the lack of respect for women in this testosterone driven dorm. I don't oogle at naked guys in public, so you guys shouldn't either.

Brian: Whoa whoa whoa...back the truck up here. Who said I oogle at naked guys in public?

Amanda: Well, I have seen you staring at the underwear models in American Eagle. I don't even think YOU know your sexual preference yet. Who's to say that you aren't fond of the male anatomy?

Brian: Ummm.......next topic. So give us some info about this new movie you were just in.

Amanda: You certainly just ducked out of that obviously touchy subject, but I'll let it slide. Ummm, this new "movie" I was in was a complete waste of time, because the guy who played opposite of me was a complete creep. He made me feel nauseous when ever he had to touch me...yuck! Next time, I'm definitely going to check to see who my co-star is before I agree to anything. But anyways, the movie is about a guy and a girl who are newlyweds. They are having marital problems, and the guy is always trying to make it up to her. You'll have to check out the movie to see how it ends. It's in the editing room as we speak....maybe you can catch it on UTTV?

Brian: Well I think we have a clip right here. You wanna tell us what happens?

Amanda: This is the scene where the guy is trying to make nice with his wife by bringing her a flower and buttering her up. This scene imparticular was extra disgusting to shoot.

Brian: Let's take a look.........................................................Ok so you people at home may not know it, but we just watched it. Just so you know, the scene was about a guy who was trying to make nice with his wife by bringing her a flower and buttering her up. So I hear you are planning a trip to the windy city?

Amanda: That's right. How'd you know that? What are you a stalker? Just kidding. (No I'm not, you should listen to the burned CD he made me....coincidence I think not)My mum and I are going to Chicago to do some shopping and see some plays. We'll be seeing a spoof of Lord of the Rings called Frodo a Go Go: The Ring Recycled, among other things. I'll be sure to update you all on my own blog at xanga.com. Check out my blog (LoneTraveler) (Yeah, don't ask) ok?

Brian: Now I'm told you are looking for a job? Have you found one yet?

Amanda: Actually, I have a job. I'm currently employed at Shady Oak Dunes Golf Course on route 20. I love it so far. Dave Sanford is my boss, and he's so cool (shout out to Mel!). Eventually, I'll get to drive the golf ball picker-upper. It's my dream come true to drive that thing....feel the wind in my hair as I methodically pick up balls.

Brian: Did you just say methodically?

Amanda: Yes.

Brian (after a long pause): Okkkkkkkkk. So how is life back at good ole Eastwood? Anything new going down over there?

Amanda: Actually, we've got some new additions to our "good ole" school. A bunch of ranchers beatbox it in the hallways before class now. It's so cool. Sheffler goes nuts, she jumps right in and starts rhyming. Just kidding, that'd be funny if she did though.

Brian: I get the sense like you have more to say about this topic. What is it that you want to state?

Amanda: I'd like to say that Brian likes Kiddy Porn. There, I've said it! Whew...what a load off my chest.

Brian: Ok ok that's enough of that. Well I'm glad you could join us today. Come back again would you?

Amanda: Of course! I wouldn't miss a chance to talk about myself...ever! That and the fact that I get to rip on you "in public" and it actually goes into print.

Brian: Ok we are going to take a break. Until next time.........

Does Brian really watch kiddie porn? Is Sheffler really a beatboxer? Does Brian really oogle at naked men in public? Find out next time...same gay place...same gay time.

2004-03-29T17:32:00.000-08:00

I want to start tonights post off by saying I hate admitting I was wrong more than anyone else in the world. For me its embarrassing and even though most people that read my blog wish I hadnt have appologized, I felt it must be done, especially since I didnt mean 90 percent of the things I said and it was only supposed to be funny. The rip fest on DD had one other purpose though that I never told anybody.....until now that is. I wanted to test just how fast word spreads in northwest ohio. So by ripping into a person I dont even know, I tested how long it would take for him to confront me. The results were one day and about 3 hours. Pretty good I know. So due to the fact that reader ratings are down 25 percent from last season, and I havent been marketing my blog that well this year, Im going to start making fun of a lot more people I dont know. ......maybe that will get them to read this thing. With that being said, lets get started shall we......

Unfortunately I cant really rip on my first subject. Her name is Laura Stuckey and she has been whining for two weeks now about never getting a part written about her in my blog. Well Laura, it has finally arrived.....this is your moment in the sun. So from here on out you better be happy, or Ill make you mad. Actually, I make her mad all the time so that would be nothing new to her. And that point is exactly why I cant make fun of her in my blog. What fun would it be to continue to do the same thing I do everyday I see her. It would be no fun at all. So I thought to myself....if I cant make fun of her, and I cant talk about something fun we have done together, due to the fact that I only see her at work, what can I say about her. So I sat down and pondered about it for three hours.....what could I write about regarding Laura Stuckey? Ok ok....so it wasnt three hours...it was more like 3 seconds because Im just that good. If I couldnt make fun of her, I would talk about making fun of her. What does that mean you ask? Well you will find out shortly. But for now I would like to talk about something else, and then I will tie it into this story.

You ever notice how all the assholes get the girls? Ok so maybe not ALL the assholes. But most assholes (assholes being people I dont like) have girlfriends. Now in one way that doesnt bug me. But in another way it does. The way it doesnt bug is that must assholes make their voices heard, and being social with a girl is half the battle right? So I guess in that regard they deserve to have a girlfriend. Pretty much assholes are the opposite of me...at least I like to think so. They are social, but they are mean, annoying, and most are going to serve no purpose to society what so ever in the future.....which is exactly the way it does bug me. Why the crap would a girl want to go out with a guy that is annoying, mean, and pathetic. Now dont get me wrong....my list of hatred is very slim...so my definition of asshole is pretty vague. In fact, I can almost guarantee that anyone that reads this isnt an asshole, so if you have a girlfriend, dont start second guessing yourself. If you are an asshole, I will tell you...how is that. Ok anyway...I just wanted to say that this little rant is not out of jeolousy, because most of me doesnt even want a girlfriend at this point in my life. It was just to fill up space, and give me something to tie in the Laura story with.

The other day Laura and I were having an interesting convo like always (I dont even remember what about-its not important) and in the process she turned the tables and made fun of me instead. Of course I couldnt have that....so I simply said "You're fat!" You would not believe what those two words can do to a girl my friends. I really dont know what it is with girls and their weight. Its not like its the end of the world if your a little husky. Anyway, Laura went from joking around to getting ready to kill me. So I decide to make the fact known that I was simply kidding. She replied with "I know...but thats just not something you say to a girl...kidding or not!" So I backed off and I thought about it for a second. Ok....maybe if you wanted to pick up a girl that is exactly something you wouldnt want to say...or maybe you would...more on that in a second. However, if you really didnt like a girl, it seems to me that it is the BEST and ONLY thing to say to them. Just think....you tell a girl you dont like she is fat, and you will never have to put up with them again. Who cares if it makes you the asshole....if they were dumb enough to make you not like them in the first place, you simply gave them a taste of their own medicine right? Ok...back to the girls you do like. For me it has always been quite obvious that you never want to tell a girl you like that she is fat. But hey...lets think about this for a moment. Remember my little rant about most of the assholes getting the chicks...well this is what Im going to propose. All you nice guys out there....you need to become assholes to get the girl. Take note of that first. I have just the line that will have the girls all over you nice guys...and lets keep this between you and me....in other words dont tell the assholes....alls you gotta say is .......YOURE FAT! Before you know it the girl will be laughing and they will be flirting with you and riding your junk and all that fun stuff right? And as she is riding your junk you only gotta say one more thing....OMG GET THE HECK OFF ME....YOURE A WHALE! And BAM! she takes her clothes off Emeril style. The rest is history folks. Before you know it, all the assholes that used to have girlfriends dont because they are all riding the previously nice guys junk. Its a simple solution guys....one that you can perform. Think about what I said and Im sure I will make reference to it in the future. Until next time......

Will Laura be satisfied now that she has finally been mentioned in Bdoffs blog? Is it true that all the assholes get the girls, or is Brian really really jealous at someone? Does Emeril really have a style devoted to him when it comes to undressing? Find out next time....same gay time...same gay place.....

2004-03-25T20:27:00.000-08:00

SPECIAL REPORT- I didnt intend on posting tonight but a dramatic turn of events has forced me to come back for more. If you read my post from last night you are aware of the fact that I made some very offensive remarks about a person whom I do not even know. You can read all about the situation and how it developed below, but I just want to get one thing off my chest right here and now. It seems that the person I was writing about has found out about my blog and has apparently read the post, which I really dont care about. If I was afraid he would read it I would have never posted it in the first place. However, one of my biggest pet peeves is people making decisions about a certain individual or issue without knowing all the facts, and it appears that I may have done just that. While I dont know for sure what happened, due to the fact that I only know what Ive heard, I do know that I will be clearing my end of it up right now. So far Ive talked to Dover Demon and we have compromised....at least I hope so. And Dover Demon just so you know.....if what you said is false, you know how I feel, but if what you said is true, and dont get me wrong I do believe what you said, I am truly sorry. As for others that felt offended, I am sorry as well. So far my post from last night has been called and I quote "fucking offensive" and Ive been told that I was thought to of had more tack than that. Well the truth is I do....and thats why Im stepping back now. I should have never opened my mouth about someone I dont know without experiencing the situation first hand and as of right now Im done caring about it. Until next time....

Point to note- When I made reference to my freedom of press, I probably didnt know what I was talking about.( And yes Ill be the first to admit it) While Im not a government or english major, I am a human being who just thought a little useless rant in a blog post wouldnt do any harm. I guess I was wrong, and I will take your (and you know who you are) word for it.

2004-03-24T17:02:00.000-08:00

Hey long time no write everybody. I hope you didnt miss me too much. The best need breaks after all. Think about it......the best players in sports take breaks (off season and all star breaks), 24, the best show EVER, takes too many breaks, and myself, the best blog writer since Mark Twain, needs them as well. So to start things off tonight, I just wanted to wrap something up from my last post. Apparently there were a few complaints (all from girls) about it being too mean towards girls that are unfortunate in the facial region (and beyond). I just wanted to appologize for any feelings I may have hurt and I want to assure you that from now on I wont be making any reference to ugly chicks. I will call them hot chicks that are ugly instead. That way it at least creates the impression that they are hot, when they really arent. This is the best I can do without becoming gay. Girls just need to understand that guys dont think all girls are equally good looking, and I know girls dont think guys are either so you need to stop bitching when someone says a girl is ugly. Ok....enough with the appologizing...I got the goods tonight so lets get rolling shall we.....

I have something that I need to get off my chest and its going to take me a whole blogs length to do it tonight. So the bad news is Im going to have to split away from the ordinary three topic post for one night. However, the good news is that you are reading my blog, so that should outweigh the bad news creating the illusion of no bad news at all, taking us right back to where we started. Anyway, I first wanted to give mad props to Justin Brown for starting his blog back up. I heard through the grapevine that The Thug Life was back up and running and I had to dig in right away. Ok, so maybe I forgot about reading it until today, but when I did get to it it was quite entertaining. If I knew how to put links in my blog I would put his blog in here first, but unfortunately Im not that skilled. However, Ill do my best to try and get you a copy of The Thug Life in future posts. Ok, Ive diverted from topic......getting back on track.....while reading Justins blog today I became aware of an issue that concerned me. I was aware of this issue beforehand, but had no clue it was this serious and that it meant so much to my fellow collegues. Allow me to start from the beginning for all you non-sausagefesters out there.....Ok....You all know that Im part of a group of guys who makes movies for fun, mostly because we have nothing better to do with our time, and we call ourselves Sausagefest films, and if you didnt know that then you do now. We have made three movies so far, all of which I feel are very funny and as good as they come. We are in the planning stages of our fourth movie right now and this is where the issue I want to discuss comes into play. You see, the name of our fourth film was going to be called Hobo Ninja and the planning for it is pretty much done, meaning we are going to start filming any day now. Now there is this dude that I dont even know right. Apparently Ross and Bryn Metcalf know him somehow and this dude is pretty gay. Allow me to explain. This dude, whose screen name on aim is Dover Demon in case you ever wanted to harass him, has actually made a 15 minute movie called hobo ninja. Well I was told by a few fellow sausagefesters that this dude, whom Ill call DD from here on our because Im tired of using the word dude, threatened to sue us if we used the theme of a Hobo Ninja for our movie and he apparently has a lawyer lined up in case we do. This was all I knew before and I was just going to let it go because I thought the idea of him sueing us was ridiculous, but apparently it has Justin flustered and I cant just let that go. So while I cant do anything about it in person due to the fact that my position in society isnt powerful enough, I can say what I want in my blog.....freedom of press bitch. So if any of you readers out there like DD I insist that you stop reading now, because Im going to go off. 5......4.....3.....2....1....here we go.....I want to start off by saying...HEY DD...YOU'RE A HOMO WITH NO LIFE AND IM SURPRISED YOU HAVENT THREATENED TO SUE US FOR CALLING OURSELVES SAUSAGEFEST SINCE YOU'VE APPARENTLY INVENTED THAT AS WELL. Yeah I was surprised to see that your movie was a whole 15 minutes. You must have put a lot of work into that piece of crap. Ill give you credit for one thing though. The box for your movie works better than sleeping pills.....heck I saw that thing and I fell asleep right away.....I DIDNT EVEN NEED TO WATCH IT!!!! You should infomercial that crap as a sleeping mechanism to make a profit instead of trying to sue us. You sure arent going to sell any copies of your piece of crap movie thats for sure. Yes I know Sausagefest wont sell any copies of our version either, but at least we realize that our movies are for fun and never going to be taken seriously, unless your name is Josh Wise aka Stallion. Heck...your movie wouldnt even make it on the shelves at the Pemberville Library its so bad. Seriously, who makes a satire from ninja video games. Yeah...Im sure lots of people will get the humor in that one. Myself....well I probably wouldnt get the humor in it and quite frankly I wouldnt care, because Ive seen episodes of Power Rangers that are 10 times better than your box. So god only knows what your movie is like. 15 minutes is a pretty long movie for you though Ill give you that. I mean, all your other movies were on average around 1-2 minutes aka the amount of time it takes you to get off when you see a naked man. If you are slow, I just said that you make gay porn. Ok well Im done here...and DD, if you ever read this, I hope you realize what a complete moron you are, because no one cares about your movie, or ours, so what the crap is the big deal here. Until next time.........

Will DD ever read this post? Will Brian get the crap beat out of him by DD if DD does read this? Did Mark Twain really have a blog? Find out next time....same gay time....same gay place.....

2004-03-03T19:11:00.000-08:00

Hey everybody....I hope Im not throwing too much at you for one week with two entries. After all, lets remember when I was a dork last year I would post a book every night. Ahh who am I kidding.....Im still a dork. But a much wiser one at that. Anyway, Id like to mention one house keeping item before I begin tonights festivities. First of all, I realized after I posted the Special Birthday Edition of my blog that I spelled Edition "Addition". Like Ive been saying for a few weeks now, people are stupid and yes that does include myself. The difference between myself and the dumbest of people is that I catch myself. Some people go through life not knowing they are stupid, and thats the sadest thing anyone can encounter. With that being said, lets get started shall we.....

So Im walking through my dorm last week and I catch a huge sign out of the corner of my eye. I look over and in big bold letters it reads "LOOKING TO HAVE A BIT OF FUN BEFORE SPRING BREAK!" Being the outgoing person I am, I stopped and read the sign wondering what the crap it was all about and where the event was going down. I still dont know who was heading the event, but apparently it was just a lovely student event taking place before spring break at the student union. You know the kind....they have free food and games. In fact, thats exactly what the sign said. I believe the exact words were "Free food! Free games! Free condoms! Lots of fun!" I started to walk on thinking to myself "Oh what a great time that'd be" when all of a sudden I had to stop and think for a minute. Did that sign just say Free condoms?! I looked back and sure enough it did. I wiped my eyes and it still said Free condoms. I slapped myself in the face in an attempt to wake myself up and it still said Free condoms. NOW YOU TELL ME.....IS THIS THE MESSAGE WE WANT TO SEND OUR COLLEGE STUDENTS THESE DAYS!!! Haha listen to me....I sound like a presidential candidate. But seriously, why the crap if I want free fun, which includes games and food, do I need condoms? I mean, safe sex is a very smart thing dont get me wrong, but if you were part of an organization running such a social event, wouldnt you feel somewhat sad if a bunch of people came to your event for the condoms alone? I know I would. It is amazing what the words "free" and "condoms" can do for a college organization, but if you ask me the words "free" and "kleenex" would be better, because everybody knows that masterbation is better than free food, games and condoms combined!

I think UT has one of the highest blind people populations in the nation. Seriously! I dont want to sound mean here because I am one of the most sympathetic people IN THE WORLD! Ok ok....maybe just North America. Anyways, I think I see ON AVERAGE 5 blind people a day here at UT. Now Ive talked to my fellow collegues at various universities all over the nation and I have concluded that there is not ONE SINGLE blind person at any of these colleges. Ok....so maybe that is a bit of a stretch. But I am pretty sure that none of my friends attending these different colleges see as many blind people in a year than I see in a day. Ok ok ok...just to give you a clue, I think I see more blind people in a day than I do hot girls.....and no thats not a stretch. Of course we are talking about UT here, which is known as the capital of ugly chicks and as far as Im concerned blind people as well. In fact Ive done a lot of thinking about this lately and Ive come up with a figure in my mind that I feel is very important for high school seniors looking at UT. It is the blind people to hot girls ratio. Now the point of this ratio is not to prove how many blind people there are, because that is not a factor that should be considered while picking a college. It is however supposed to point out how many hot girls that attend UT. After all, that is an important tid bit that straight guys should consider while choosing a college. Thats why I plan on spreading the word that UTs blind people to hot girl ratio is 4:1, because thats how many blind people to hot girls ON AVERAGE I see per day. And for all you girls out there that think Im being mean and inconsiderate, shut up, because in the back of your mind, you know Im right.....

Keeping on the topic of ugly chicks, you know what pisses me off more than anything in the world?......UGLY CHICKS IN HOT CHICK CLOTHING!!! I mean, do they actually think I want to see their rolls hanging out from under their shirt that is three sizes too small and their jeans that ride lower than a well dressed plumber. If they think thats sexy they are wrong. That kind of look only works on the hottest of chicks and to tell you the truth the slutiest of chicks usually. Due to this fact, I guess we can call these ugly, hot clothes wearing chicks slutabes, because thats what they want to be, sluts! I know Im being really mean right now, but seriously, if you ugly chicks that dress like this want a wake up call, here you go. Just wear a sweater or something none revealing from now on...PLEASE...THATS ALL I ASK!! If you dont I will be forced to retaliate and I dont think you want that. If you think this wake up call in my blog is mean, just wait to see what I have in store for you if you dont do as I ask. Here is my plan.....Since Im no prize myself, I will use my body to make you cover up yours. I will organize a gang of below average joes and buy a bunch of speedos. We will then proceed to put these speedos on and walk around in them everywhere we go, not caring how gross and disgusting we look. All the average and hot people's lives will be ruined and the only way we will stop is if you cover your ugly asses up yourselves. Hopefully if the presence of our ugly asses doesnt make you cover yours up, then the pressure of society will. The way I see it, if we prance around in our speedos for long enough and society knows our purpose, they will go after the cause.....and guess what ugly chicks that dress slutty.....THATS YOU!! So next time you pull out your skinny ass t-shirt and your low rider pants that show half your ass crack, think about what you may create. If you use your mind you can avoid a lot of pain and suffering....trust me!

Im really not that mean I swear. I only pretend to be mean in my blog to be humorous. However, by admitting that Im mean to be humorous, I take away from the humor, so just disregard everything I just said. Well, thats all for tonight. Until next time......

Is there such thing as an ugly chick? Are the UT chicks really that bad, or is this just another sign that Brian is gay? If Brian, and a bunch of below average joes, went out and bought speedos to show off their bodies, would that make them slutabes? You certainly wont find out next time! Same gay time....same gay place.........

2004-02-29T17:28:00.000-08:00

Well everybody....I have a new theme to live by in life.....and no...theme is not the same thing as MOTTO. By the way, for those of you who made fun of me for spelling motto wrong, I only have one thing to say to you.....PEOPLE ARE STUPID....and yes that includes myself. Anyway, my new theme in life is this.....Phase 2. Phase 2? Thats right phase 2. You see today I turned 20 years old and its brought a lot of questions to my mind. Where am I going? Where will I end up? Will I make it to phase 3? What the crap is a phase you ask. Well dont fret...let me tell you. In my mind there are an average of four phases in ones life each representing 20 years. For me, phase one has passed and while it was good, it could have been in so many ways much better. Now its time for me to start the phase 2 era, ages 20-40. For a normal human being this phase is by far the most crucial. In this phase one will get married, obtain a career, and probably find out whether he or she will ever get any in his or her life time. I know there are late bloomers out there, but we are talking average conditions here. And then of course there is phase 3, when one retires and resorts to a life of golf and fun in the sun. And then the fourth and final phase is all down hill. This is when your body starts to disfunction and you start crapping your pants. For the unlucky, there is a fifth phase, age 80-100. This my friends is probably the worst phase of them all. For those that receive such misfortune, this is the phase where one probably finds themselves in a nursing home and talking to themselves....and crapping their pants still. Ok ok...let me get back on track here. Now that you understand the principle of phases, let me take the chance to recap on my phase one. Phase one brought me many happy moments like I said, but it could have been oh so much better. Allow me to summarize the first 20 years of my life in 20 short facts about myself...each fact depicting one year of my life. Without further ado, I present to you "20 short facts about Brian Brough's life" in this SPECIAL 5TH BIRTHDAY ADDITION of Bdoffs Happy Fun Gay Times Returns......

1) Favorite three movies (in order)- Back to the Future, Frequency, Indiana Jones and the last Crusade

2) Favorite television show- Do you even need to ask? Ok...I guess you never did. Its 24 though for you retards out there.

3) Favorite Band- There are tons of great 80s bands and singers out there, but if I had to choose one I'd go with REO Speedwagon.

4) Favorite song- REO Speedwagon- I cant fight this feeling anymore

5) Favorite Sport- Golf Course.....I mean golf of course.....im retarded.

6) Number of girlfriends-0
Average number of girlfriends/boyfriends one has had after phase one-around 4 or 5

7) Number of dates- 0
Average number of dates one has had after phase one- lets say 3-5 per person gone out with, so 12-25.

8) Most embarrassing moment- When I asked Stacy Weiland out in 10th grade. Lets just say the way I did it, putting anounamous notes in her locker, was not the way to go about it. Thats ok though...she turned out to be a man anyway. I guess god was watching over me.

9) Thing I hate most about phase one- The assholes at school that always got lucky. Hot girlfriends, good athletic abilities, and most were dumber than my dog. The worst thing is I know I will see them again in future phases, so Im not out of the woods yet. It will only be every thursday though, because thats when they will pick up my garbage.

10) High point of phase one- Probably Junior year when the Eastwood Golf team made it to state. That was the highest sense of personal pride Ive ever had and those were some of the best days of my life. 2nd highest point came a week later when I received second team all state honors.

11) Person I hated the most- I wont say it because I know it will spread faster than jelly, but his name rhymes with Brent Snyder. Too bad he was an asshole that actually had some brains....he would make a fine Burger King employee.....Would you like an apple pie with that?

12) Job experiences- Belmont country club as a caddy and OPV baby...thats right...who goes from being a caddy to feeding old peeps. Not many thats for sure... they should make a tv show about my job life.

13) Best friends- Shiffert, Sibbersen, Bryn, Bock, Laird, Sarver, Nabors, Stallion, Ross, Gardner......you noticing a pattern here?

14) Number of slow dances- around 10 (all with people that asked me!)
Average number of slow dances in phase one of ones life-around 40

15) Best times of phase one (in order)- State golf, Platte Lake vacations with various families in the early stages of phase one, and bonfires at bocks place.

16) Worst times of phase one (in order)- Asking Weiland out, everytime Brent Snyder talked to me, and when I took Honors physics senior year.

17) Most annoying person I knew- Probably RC....my suitemate....I will be writing about him next post.

18) Thing I know most about- Golf probably....I dont know for sure though....Im stupid in a lot of areas.

19) Thing I know least about- Computers and woman.......good thing I know the Metcalf brothers.

20) On a scale of one to ten, how I rank my phase one- 6

Well I hope you all enjoyed my behind the scenes look at phase one. I hope you enjoyed my deepest darkest secrets that Ive kept hidden for so long. To all of you that helped celebrate my birthday with me, I thank you...you are all good friends. For those of you that didnt, I have one thing to say to you......YOURE STUPID! Thats all for tonight. Until next time......

After reading this post, would you consider Bdoff to be a loser? Who would ask Bdoff to slow dance? Will his Fedex package get to Boston overnight?( It better or we are all DOOMED!) Find out next time...say gay time...same gay place....

2004-02-02T17:46:00.000-08:00

Boy do I have something to go off about tonight. Ok...here is the deal. For tonight, and every night preceding it, I want you to keep my new personal modo in mind.....People are stupid. Repeat that....People are stupid. What I mean is that people as a whole are stupid, not a particular person is stupid. However, chances are that either A) I think you are stupid. B) You think I am stupid. or C) You dont even know me, in which case I think you're stupid for not knowing me. Either way, my modo stands true....what is it again?....THATS RIGHT...PEOPLE ARE STUPID. Ok...Im not going to repeat myself over and over again. I do plan on backing this up, as I always do. So sit back, and read my rant....that is if you arent too stupid.......

So I get up this morning and the first thing I decide to do is check my email. Half out of it, I click on the internet explorer icon and go straight to yahoo.com. Before I even knew what hit me, my computer screen is swarming with pop up ads. I mean, I didnt even see the yahoo front page. I clicked on explorer and I had ads popping up every which way like a gang of homeless dogs after a ration of bread. ANYWAY, I started to franticly click out of the ads as I always do when all of a sudden something happened that I never thought would. One of these ads caught my eye. In big bold letters it said.......TIRED OF ANNOYING POP ADS ON THE INTERNET! CLICK HERE! At first I thought to myself thats the first good pop up ad Ive ever seen. But the more I thought about it, the more stupid I thought it was. What dumb ass company makes a pop up ad advertising pop up blockers. Pretty much what they are doing is allowing people to block their ads. I dont know what you all think about this, but I think it helps prove my theory that people are stupid.

Whoever came up with the idea of Groundhog's Day should be shot! Im seriously serious! What the crap does Groundhog's Day celebrate? Most holidays have a meaning, or a sense of being, but Groundhog's Day may be the only holiday that I feel doesnt. Allow me to summarize for those that are slow exactly what happens. Some fat ass mayor from Puxatonny, or however you spell it (for our sake Ill call it P-tonny from now on) comes up with his cane and gives this dumb Groundhog's door a little tap tap tap a roo. To the surprise of many P-tonnyians, the Groundhog doesnt answer and the mayor has to lean his big ass over, open the door, and take out the Groundhog. The Groundhog apparently tells the mayor of P-tonny whether or not he sees his shadow or not. If he sees his shadow, we have 6 more weeks of winter. If he doesnt, we have an early Spring or as some say it, we have 6 more weeks til Spring...................................................I got a news flash for you P-tonnyians......IT DOESNT MATTER WHETHER YOUR DUMBASS GR0UNDHOG SEES HIS SHADOW OR NOT.....SPRING IS 6 WEEKS AWAY NO MATTER HOW YOU LOOK AT IT. Yes I know Im being harsh and some of you may not feel my feeling towards Groundhog's day. But seriously, what has this holiday brought us? Absolutely nothing. The only thing it's brought is fame to P-tonny. Hell you'd think with a name like P-tonny, you'd be on the map for sure, but no you gotta go get greedy and come up with some stupid holiday. Before you know it, you got some stupid Groundhog living better than half of Americans, a town full of people that believe in a Groundhog that can predict the weather better than any meteorologist (well, I guess I believe in that too), and a movie that almost was the end of Bill Murray's career. Oh but why should you P-tonnyians care...you still got your fame. But the rest of us Americans, especially I, know that you are all STUPID!

I just wanted to get one little thing off my chest before I wrapped things up tonight...and no its not the hair! Some of you, a few in particular, have always put down my blog for different reasons and thats fine. Im going to keep these few unknown, but here is a little clue...their names rhyme with Scott Shiffert and Scott Sibbersen. For example, the other night I had the closet thing to a relevant conversation with Sibbersen than Ive ever had before. He told me that this blog thing needed to stop and that his favorite part of my last post was the questions at the end, because that meant he didnt have to read any more of my crap. He also went on to say it was the most boring thing he has ever read. I would probably agree with him, if I didnt know HIM. For those of you who dont know Sibbersen, allow me to explain him the best I can. Sibbersen is a simple man...a little too simple at times. He has got the basic, boring farming look down..you know...jeans, wifebeater covered by a button down T, phone hooked on the side of his pants, goatee.....ok I dont know if all farmers look like that, but he definately doesnt stand out thats for sure. Now Sibbersen has a voice deeper than my dad, and if he were to teach a class or give a speech, he would put the whole world to sleep....thats right...even those not even around him. I know I shouldnt base Sibbersen's boredom on his appearance and voice alone b/c there are plenty of other people that arent boring that have his same features, so I wont. However, there is one other thing about Sibbersen that makes him one of the most boring beings this side of P-tonny. .....his instant messenger conversations. I wish I had one saved for you all to read, but Im going to have to make due and describe them to you best I can. Lets say I were to start a convo by saying Hello Sibbersen? He would reply with a yeah? How are you doing?
Sib: good
Me:what are you doing tonight?
Sib: nothing
Me: Want to do something?
Sib: ?
Me: What does that mean?
Sib:?
Before I know it, Im typing messages that go something like this....
Me: naosdifnasdoifnasdoifnsa
Sib: ?
Me:naosdfhnadosifiodsafn
because Ive fall asleep and my head is rolling around on the keyboard. Yes I know that is a bigger stretch than the marks on Oprahs ass, but the point I was trying to make is that Sibbersen isnt exactly Mr. Personality either. And do you know whatelse he is.....thats right....STUPID!

I hope I have brought a smile to your face tonight. And if I havent that means your one of two things....A) in a really bad mood or B) Stupid. Well, thats all I have for tonight. Until next time.....

Which is more stupid: a pop up ad advertising a pop up blocker or Brian for not taking advantage of a pop up blocker and opting to complain about it instead? Can the P-tonny Groundhog really talk? Does Oprah really have stretch marks on her ass? Find out next time...same gay time...same gay place.....

2004-01-27T10:09:00.000-08:00

It's true....It's true....and it couldn't have come at a better time. What's true you ask? My comeback that's what. Most of you probably heard rumors about my sudden disappearance. Some used the pretty convention rumors such as I had passed away or I had got a real life. Others got a little more creative. I heard everything from I had become a member of the men in black to I had changed my disguise because the police were after me (only the guys I was with in Windsor will get that one.) Anyways, the truth is I just needed a break. Yes thats right...even the best need breaks. Yes I know it's been a long break....a couple days over 8 months to be exact. But Im back and that's the point. Now we can continue to have the same fun we had a little less than a year ago. We are going to get a little dramatic at times, a little funny, sometimes we may get a little CRAZY and you know what?..................YOU WILL LIKE IT!!!! So with that being said, lets see if I still got it shall we!

My first little rant is going to be used to complain about today's weathermen. I have never thought very highly of them, but they are just down right terrible. Don't get me wrong, some of them seem like very nice people. Dave Carlson would make the best grandpa in the world. Bill Spencer would make a lovely punching bag. And who doesnt like Larry Whatley's pimp stache. But when it comes to the weather, they are more wrong than Wesley Willis on Jeopardy. Yesterday for example, I had to work from 10-2 and I was looking forward to a lovely game of basketball with my peeps afterwards. The only thing holding me back was a little snow storm that was supposedly going to hit around 4 that afternoon. So I get home at 215 and my dad informs me that the storm is indeed still on a collision course with northwest ohio. So I back up my bags and head for UT early, missing basketball. I get up here at 345 and they are still calling for some snow. WELL.....Nothing happens. I wake up the next morning and the ground looks just like it did 14 hours before. NOW YOU TELL ME......HOW IS IT THAT THE WEATHERMEN CANT GET A FORECAST RIGHT 2 HOURS IN ADVANCE?! Your guess is as good as mine but it seems to me that being that far off means that anyone could do their job. Heck if you are so bad as to get the forecast wrong 2 hours in advance, I can see you having trouble getting it right in real time. "Let's take a look out of our 13 action news dumbass cam and as you can see it is nice and sunny out. Lots of people out on the river water skiing...its a wonderful day and it's only going to get better as the week goes on!!" REALLY, the river is frozen over, its snowing like the blizzard of 78, and I'm freezing my ass off because I wore shorts and a cut off due to the fact the weatherman told me it was going to be 105 degrees. OK so thats a little extreme, but someone needs to stand up against the slacking members of society known as "Meteorologists."

There was a time when I was normal believe it or not. I thought like an average joe and I was destined to lead a normal life. That all ended about 14 months ago though. Ill never forget it. It was a chilly november evening....thanksgiving break to be exact. "The crew" (consisting of all 5 of my friends) was getting together at the Shiffert household to watch this show I never heard of before called 24. What the hell right....Ill show up...watch a show I probably wont understand...maybe see a chick or two....it couldnt hurt. At exactly nine o clock that night, my life was taken over by this show. Ever since, my mind has been on 24 rewind, analyzing every angle of the show. If you were to ask me about it now, I could go on forever, telling you anything you wanted to know about the show and ruining any future plots that the show has. Ever since that night, it slowly started to consume my brain. Now if you were to ask me which I preferred....Watching 24 or spending time with a chick....I would probably chose 24. Heck...it's become one of my ecological needs. Food, water, shelter, and 24. So if anyone of you want to try and turn my life around, go ahead, but it's a lost cause. After all, once 24 has you, it never lets go....

I want to wrap up tonight by giving made props to a friend of mine. Her name, and I dont get say "her" very often, is Amanda Fox. Yes thats right...the sister of Shelly Fox...the only other girl I associate with. Anyways, Amanda and I had this interesting conversation online the other night about me being gay and I think I said her dad was hotter than her.......................................... I cant believe I just admitted that......ANYWAYS it was all a joke and she knew that but she decided to take it to the next level and say I was gay and I didnt even know it. To make a long story short, she posted a blog entry of her own which you can find on www.xanga.com about our little conversation. You can find her if you type in LoneTraveler and look under the "users" tab. It is a nice piece. She even said she wanted my jock strap in it, which was a complete random statement but hey...you'll have to take that up with her. So thank you Amanda for the nice article and I'm sure we will have many more interesting convos in the future.

Well I think that's all I have for tonight...It take you back doesn't it....I got a tear in my eye already....Until next time......

Is there really a 13 action news dumbass cam? Did Brian really once lead a normal life, or is he just saying that to look cool? What does Amanda Fox want with Brian's jock strap? Find out next time...same gay time...same gay place!