Monday, March 29, 2004
I want to start tonights post off by saying I hate admitting I was wrong more than anyone else in the world. For me its embarrassing and even though most people that read my blog wish I hadnt have appologized, I felt it must be done, especially since I didnt mean 90 percent of the things I said and it was only supposed to be funny. The rip fest on DD had one other purpose though that I never told anybody.....until now that is. I wanted to test just how fast word spreads in northwest ohio. So by ripping into a person I dont even know, I tested how long it would take for him to confront me. The results were one day and about 3 hours. Pretty good I know. So due to the fact that reader ratings are down 25 percent from last season, and I havent been marketing my blog that well this year, Im going to start making fun of a lot more people I dont know. ......maybe that will get them to read this thing. With that being said, lets get started shall we......
Unfortunately I cant really rip on my first subject. Her name is Laura Stuckey and she has been whining for two weeks now about never getting a part written about her in my blog. Well Laura, it has finally arrived.....this is your moment in the sun. So from here on out you better be happy, or Ill make you mad. Actually, I make her mad all the time so that would be nothing new to her. And that point is exactly why I cant make fun of her in my blog. What fun would it be to continue to do the same thing I do everyday I see her. It would be no fun at all. So I thought to myself....if I cant make fun of her, and I cant talk about something fun we have done together, due to the fact that I only see her at work, what can I say about her. So I sat down and pondered about it for three hours.....what could I write about regarding Laura Stuckey? Ok ok....so it wasnt three hours...it was more like 3 seconds because Im just that good. If I couldnt make fun of her, I would talk about making fun of her. What does that mean you ask? Well you will find out shortly. But for now I would like to talk about something else, and then I will tie it into this story.
You ever notice how all the assholes get the girls? Ok so maybe not ALL the assholes. But most assholes (assholes being people I dont like) have girlfriends. Now in one way that doesnt bug me. But in another way it does. The way it doesnt bug is that must assholes make their voices heard, and being social with a girl is half the battle right? So I guess in that regard they deserve to have a girlfriend. Pretty much assholes are the opposite of me...at least I like to think so. They are social, but they are mean, annoying, and most are going to serve no purpose to society what so ever in the future.....which is exactly the way it does bug me. Why the crap would a girl want to go out with a guy that is annoying, mean, and pathetic. Now dont get me wrong....my list of hatred is very slim...so my definition of asshole is pretty vague. In fact, I can almost guarantee that anyone that reads this isnt an asshole, so if you have a girlfriend, dont start second guessing yourself. If you are an asshole, I will tell you...how is that. Ok anyway...I just wanted to say that this little rant is not out of jeolousy, because most of me doesnt even want a girlfriend at this point in my life. It was just to fill up space, and give me something to tie in the Laura story with.
The other day Laura and I were having an interesting convo like always (I dont even remember what about-its not important) and in the process she turned the tables and made fun of me instead. Of course I couldnt have that....so I simply said "You're fat!" You would not believe what those two words can do to a girl my friends. I really dont know what it is with girls and their weight. Its not like its the end of the world if your a little husky. Anyway, Laura went from joking around to getting ready to kill me. So I decide to make the fact known that I was simply kidding. She replied with "I know...but thats just not something you say to a girl...kidding or not!" So I backed off and I thought about it for a second. Ok....maybe if you wanted to pick up a girl that is exactly something you wouldnt want to say...or maybe you would...more on that in a second. However, if you really didnt like a girl, it seems to me that it is the BEST and ONLY thing to say to them. Just think....you tell a girl you dont like she is fat, and you will never have to put up with them again. Who cares if it makes you the asshole....if they were dumb enough to make you not like them in the first place, you simply gave them a taste of their own medicine right? Ok...back to the girls you do like. For me it has always been quite obvious that you never want to tell a girl you like that she is fat. But hey...lets think about this for a moment. Remember my little rant about most of the assholes getting the chicks...well this is what Im going to propose. All you nice guys out there....you need to become assholes to get the girl. Take note of that first. I have just the line that will have the girls all over you nice guys...and lets keep this between you and me....in other words dont tell the assholes....alls you gotta say is .......YOURE FAT! Before you know it the girl will be laughing and they will be flirting with you and riding your junk and all that fun stuff right? And as she is riding your junk you only gotta say one more thing....OMG GET THE HECK OFF ME....YOURE A WHALE! And BAM! she takes her clothes off Emeril style. The rest is history folks. Before you know it, all the assholes that used to have girlfriends dont because they are all riding the previously nice guys junk. Its a simple solution guys....one that you can perform. Think about what I said and Im sure I will make reference to it in the future. Until next time......
Will Laura be satisfied now that she has finally been mentioned in Bdoffs blog? Is it true that all the assholes get the girls, or is Brian really really jealous at someone? Does Emeril really have a style devoted to him when it comes to undressing? Find out next time....same gay time...same gay place.....
Unfortunately I cant really rip on my first subject. Her name is Laura Stuckey and she has been whining for two weeks now about never getting a part written about her in my blog. Well Laura, it has finally arrived.....this is your moment in the sun. So from here on out you better be happy, or Ill make you mad. Actually, I make her mad all the time so that would be nothing new to her. And that point is exactly why I cant make fun of her in my blog. What fun would it be to continue to do the same thing I do everyday I see her. It would be no fun at all. So I thought to myself....if I cant make fun of her, and I cant talk about something fun we have done together, due to the fact that I only see her at work, what can I say about her. So I sat down and pondered about it for three hours.....what could I write about regarding Laura Stuckey? Ok ok....so it wasnt three hours...it was more like 3 seconds because Im just that good. If I couldnt make fun of her, I would talk about making fun of her. What does that mean you ask? Well you will find out shortly. But for now I would like to talk about something else, and then I will tie it into this story.
You ever notice how all the assholes get the girls? Ok so maybe not ALL the assholes. But most assholes (assholes being people I dont like) have girlfriends. Now in one way that doesnt bug me. But in another way it does. The way it doesnt bug is that must assholes make their voices heard, and being social with a girl is half the battle right? So I guess in that regard they deserve to have a girlfriend. Pretty much assholes are the opposite of me...at least I like to think so. They are social, but they are mean, annoying, and most are going to serve no purpose to society what so ever in the future.....which is exactly the way it does bug me. Why the crap would a girl want to go out with a guy that is annoying, mean, and pathetic. Now dont get me wrong....my list of hatred is very slim...so my definition of asshole is pretty vague. In fact, I can almost guarantee that anyone that reads this isnt an asshole, so if you have a girlfriend, dont start second guessing yourself. If you are an asshole, I will tell you...how is that. Ok anyway...I just wanted to say that this little rant is not out of jeolousy, because most of me doesnt even want a girlfriend at this point in my life. It was just to fill up space, and give me something to tie in the Laura story with.
The other day Laura and I were having an interesting convo like always (I dont even remember what about-its not important) and in the process she turned the tables and made fun of me instead. Of course I couldnt have that....so I simply said "You're fat!" You would not believe what those two words can do to a girl my friends. I really dont know what it is with girls and their weight. Its not like its the end of the world if your a little husky. Anyway, Laura went from joking around to getting ready to kill me. So I decide to make the fact known that I was simply kidding. She replied with "I know...but thats just not something you say to a girl...kidding or not!" So I backed off and I thought about it for a second. Ok....maybe if you wanted to pick up a girl that is exactly something you wouldnt want to say...or maybe you would...more on that in a second. However, if you really didnt like a girl, it seems to me that it is the BEST and ONLY thing to say to them. Just think....you tell a girl you dont like she is fat, and you will never have to put up with them again. Who cares if it makes you the asshole....if they were dumb enough to make you not like them in the first place, you simply gave them a taste of their own medicine right? Ok...back to the girls you do like. For me it has always been quite obvious that you never want to tell a girl you like that she is fat. But hey...lets think about this for a moment. Remember my little rant about most of the assholes getting the chicks...well this is what Im going to propose. All you nice guys out there....you need to become assholes to get the girl. Take note of that first. I have just the line that will have the girls all over you nice guys...and lets keep this between you and me....in other words dont tell the assholes....alls you gotta say is .......YOURE FAT! Before you know it the girl will be laughing and they will be flirting with you and riding your junk and all that fun stuff right? And as she is riding your junk you only gotta say one more thing....OMG GET THE HECK OFF ME....YOURE A WHALE! And BAM! she takes her clothes off Emeril style. The rest is history folks. Before you know it, all the assholes that used to have girlfriends dont because they are all riding the previously nice guys junk. Its a simple solution guys....one that you can perform. Think about what I said and Im sure I will make reference to it in the future. Until next time......
Will Laura be satisfied now that she has finally been mentioned in Bdoffs blog? Is it true that all the assholes get the girls, or is Brian really really jealous at someone? Does Emeril really have a style devoted to him when it comes to undressing? Find out next time....same gay time...same gay place.....
Thursday, March 25, 2004
SPECIAL REPORT- I didnt intend on posting tonight but a dramatic turn of events has forced me to come back for more. If you read my post from last night you are aware of the fact that I made some very offensive remarks about a person whom I do not even know. You can read all about the situation and how it developed below, but I just want to get one thing off my chest right here and now. It seems that the person I was writing about has found out about my blog and has apparently read the post, which I really dont care about. If I was afraid he would read it I would have never posted it in the first place. However, one of my biggest pet peeves is people making decisions about a certain individual or issue without knowing all the facts, and it appears that I may have done just that. While I dont know for sure what happened, due to the fact that I only know what Ive heard, I do know that I will be clearing my end of it up right now. So far Ive talked to Dover Demon and we have compromised....at least I hope so. And Dover Demon just so you know.....if what you said is false, you know how I feel, but if what you said is true, and dont get me wrong I do believe what you said, I am truly sorry. As for others that felt offended, I am sorry as well. So far my post from last night has been called and I quote "fucking offensive" and Ive been told that I was thought to of had more tack than that. Well the truth is I do....and thats why Im stepping back now. I should have never opened my mouth about someone I dont know without experiencing the situation first hand and as of right now Im done caring about it. Until next time....
Point to note- When I made reference to my freedom of press, I probably didnt know what I was talking about.( And yes Ill be the first to admit it) While Im not a government or english major, I am a human being who just thought a little useless rant in a blog post wouldnt do any harm. I guess I was wrong, and I will take your (and you know who you are) word for it.
Point to note- When I made reference to my freedom of press, I probably didnt know what I was talking about.( And yes Ill be the first to admit it) While Im not a government or english major, I am a human being who just thought a little useless rant in a blog post wouldnt do any harm. I guess I was wrong, and I will take your (and you know who you are) word for it.
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
Hey long time no write everybody. I hope you didnt miss me too much. The best need breaks after all. Think about it......the best players in sports take breaks (off season and all star breaks), 24, the best show EVER, takes too many breaks, and myself, the best blog writer since Mark Twain, needs them as well. So to start things off tonight, I just wanted to wrap something up from my last post. Apparently there were a few complaints (all from girls) about it being too mean towards girls that are unfortunate in the facial region (and beyond). I just wanted to appologize for any feelings I may have hurt and I want to assure you that from now on I wont be making any reference to ugly chicks. I will call them hot chicks that are ugly instead. That way it at least creates the impression that they are hot, when they really arent. This is the best I can do without becoming gay. Girls just need to understand that guys dont think all girls are equally good looking, and I know girls dont think guys are either so you need to stop bitching when someone says a girl is ugly. Ok....enough with the appologizing...I got the goods tonight so lets get rolling shall we.....
I have something that I need to get off my chest and its going to take me a whole blogs length to do it tonight. So the bad news is Im going to have to split away from the ordinary three topic post for one night. However, the good news is that you are reading my blog, so that should outweigh the bad news creating the illusion of no bad news at all, taking us right back to where we started. Anyway, I first wanted to give mad props to Justin Brown for starting his blog back up. I heard through the grapevine that The Thug Life was back up and running and I had to dig in right away. Ok, so maybe I forgot about reading it until today, but when I did get to it it was quite entertaining. If I knew how to put links in my blog I would put his blog in here first, but unfortunately Im not that skilled. However, Ill do my best to try and get you a copy of The Thug Life in future posts. Ok, Ive diverted from topic......getting back on track.....while reading Justins blog today I became aware of an issue that concerned me. I was aware of this issue beforehand, but had no clue it was this serious and that it meant so much to my fellow collegues. Allow me to start from the beginning for all you non-sausagefesters out there.....Ok....You all know that Im part of a group of guys who makes movies for fun, mostly because we have nothing better to do with our time, and we call ourselves Sausagefest films, and if you didnt know that then you do now. We have made three movies so far, all of which I feel are very funny and as good as they come. We are in the planning stages of our fourth movie right now and this is where the issue I want to discuss comes into play. You see, the name of our fourth film was going to be called Hobo Ninja and the planning for it is pretty much done, meaning we are going to start filming any day now. Now there is this dude that I dont even know right. Apparently Ross and Bryn Metcalf know him somehow and this dude is pretty gay. Allow me to explain. This dude, whose screen name on aim is Dover Demon in case you ever wanted to harass him, has actually made a 15 minute movie called hobo ninja. Well I was told by a few fellow sausagefesters that this dude, whom Ill call DD from here on our because Im tired of using the word dude, threatened to sue us if we used the theme of a Hobo Ninja for our movie and he apparently has a lawyer lined up in case we do. This was all I knew before and I was just going to let it go because I thought the idea of him sueing us was ridiculous, but apparently it has Justin flustered and I cant just let that go. So while I cant do anything about it in person due to the fact that my position in society isnt powerful enough, I can say what I want in my blog.....freedom of press bitch. So if any of you readers out there like DD I insist that you stop reading now, because Im going to go off. 5......4.....3.....2....1....here we go.....I want to start off by saying...HEY DD...YOU'RE A HOMO WITH NO LIFE AND IM SURPRISED YOU HAVENT THREATENED TO SUE US FOR CALLING OURSELVES SAUSAGEFEST SINCE YOU'VE APPARENTLY INVENTED THAT AS WELL. Yeah I was surprised to see that your movie was a whole 15 minutes. You must have put a lot of work into that piece of crap. Ill give you credit for one thing though. The box for your movie works better than sleeping pills.....heck I saw that thing and I fell asleep right away.....I DIDNT EVEN NEED TO WATCH IT!!!! You should infomercial that crap as a sleeping mechanism to make a profit instead of trying to sue us. You sure arent going to sell any copies of your piece of crap movie thats for sure. Yes I know Sausagefest wont sell any copies of our version either, but at least we realize that our movies are for fun and never going to be taken seriously, unless your name is Josh Wise aka Stallion. Heck...your movie wouldnt even make it on the shelves at the Pemberville Library its so bad. Seriously, who makes a satire from ninja video games. Yeah...Im sure lots of people will get the humor in that one. Myself....well I probably wouldnt get the humor in it and quite frankly I wouldnt care, because Ive seen episodes of Power Rangers that are 10 times better than your box. So god only knows what your movie is like. 15 minutes is a pretty long movie for you though Ill give you that. I mean, all your other movies were on average around 1-2 minutes aka the amount of time it takes you to get off when you see a naked man. If you are slow, I just said that you make gay porn. Ok well Im done here...and DD, if you ever read this, I hope you realize what a complete moron you are, because no one cares about your movie, or ours, so what the crap is the big deal here. Until next time.........
Will DD ever read this post? Will Brian get the crap beat out of him by DD if DD does read this? Did Mark Twain really have a blog? Find out next time....same gay time....same gay place.....
I have something that I need to get off my chest and its going to take me a whole blogs length to do it tonight. So the bad news is Im going to have to split away from the ordinary three topic post for one night. However, the good news is that you are reading my blog, so that should outweigh the bad news creating the illusion of no bad news at all, taking us right back to where we started. Anyway, I first wanted to give mad props to Justin Brown for starting his blog back up. I heard through the grapevine that The Thug Life was back up and running and I had to dig in right away. Ok, so maybe I forgot about reading it until today, but when I did get to it it was quite entertaining. If I knew how to put links in my blog I would put his blog in here first, but unfortunately Im not that skilled. However, Ill do my best to try and get you a copy of The Thug Life in future posts. Ok, Ive diverted from topic......getting back on track.....while reading Justins blog today I became aware of an issue that concerned me. I was aware of this issue beforehand, but had no clue it was this serious and that it meant so much to my fellow collegues. Allow me to start from the beginning for all you non-sausagefesters out there.....Ok....You all know that Im part of a group of guys who makes movies for fun, mostly because we have nothing better to do with our time, and we call ourselves Sausagefest films, and if you didnt know that then you do now. We have made three movies so far, all of which I feel are very funny and as good as they come. We are in the planning stages of our fourth movie right now and this is where the issue I want to discuss comes into play. You see, the name of our fourth film was going to be called Hobo Ninja and the planning for it is pretty much done, meaning we are going to start filming any day now. Now there is this dude that I dont even know right. Apparently Ross and Bryn Metcalf know him somehow and this dude is pretty gay. Allow me to explain. This dude, whose screen name on aim is Dover Demon in case you ever wanted to harass him, has actually made a 15 minute movie called hobo ninja. Well I was told by a few fellow sausagefesters that this dude, whom Ill call DD from here on our because Im tired of using the word dude, threatened to sue us if we used the theme of a Hobo Ninja for our movie and he apparently has a lawyer lined up in case we do. This was all I knew before and I was just going to let it go because I thought the idea of him sueing us was ridiculous, but apparently it has Justin flustered and I cant just let that go. So while I cant do anything about it in person due to the fact that my position in society isnt powerful enough, I can say what I want in my blog.....freedom of press bitch. So if any of you readers out there like DD I insist that you stop reading now, because Im going to go off. 5......4.....3.....2....1....here we go.....I want to start off by saying...HEY DD...YOU'RE A HOMO WITH NO LIFE AND IM SURPRISED YOU HAVENT THREATENED TO SUE US FOR CALLING OURSELVES SAUSAGEFEST SINCE YOU'VE APPARENTLY INVENTED THAT AS WELL. Yeah I was surprised to see that your movie was a whole 15 minutes. You must have put a lot of work into that piece of crap. Ill give you credit for one thing though. The box for your movie works better than sleeping pills.....heck I saw that thing and I fell asleep right away.....I DIDNT EVEN NEED TO WATCH IT!!!! You should infomercial that crap as a sleeping mechanism to make a profit instead of trying to sue us. You sure arent going to sell any copies of your piece of crap movie thats for sure. Yes I know Sausagefest wont sell any copies of our version either, but at least we realize that our movies are for fun and never going to be taken seriously, unless your name is Josh Wise aka Stallion. Heck...your movie wouldnt even make it on the shelves at the Pemberville Library its so bad. Seriously, who makes a satire from ninja video games. Yeah...Im sure lots of people will get the humor in that one. Myself....well I probably wouldnt get the humor in it and quite frankly I wouldnt care, because Ive seen episodes of Power Rangers that are 10 times better than your box. So god only knows what your movie is like. 15 minutes is a pretty long movie for you though Ill give you that. I mean, all your other movies were on average around 1-2 minutes aka the amount of time it takes you to get off when you see a naked man. If you are slow, I just said that you make gay porn. Ok well Im done here...and DD, if you ever read this, I hope you realize what a complete moron you are, because no one cares about your movie, or ours, so what the crap is the big deal here. Until next time.........
Will DD ever read this post? Will Brian get the crap beat out of him by DD if DD does read this? Did Mark Twain really have a blog? Find out next time....same gay time....same gay place.....
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
Hey everybody....I hope Im not throwing too much at you for one week with two entries. After all, lets remember when I was a dork last year I would post a book every night. Ahh who am I kidding.....Im still a dork. But a much wiser one at that. Anyway, Id like to mention one house keeping item before I begin tonights festivities. First of all, I realized after I posted the Special Birthday Edition of my blog that I spelled Edition "Addition". Like Ive been saying for a few weeks now, people are stupid and yes that does include myself. The difference between myself and the dumbest of people is that I catch myself. Some people go through life not knowing they are stupid, and thats the sadest thing anyone can encounter. With that being said, lets get started shall we.....
So Im walking through my dorm last week and I catch a huge sign out of the corner of my eye. I look over and in big bold letters it reads "LOOKING TO HAVE A BIT OF FUN BEFORE SPRING BREAK!" Being the outgoing person I am, I stopped and read the sign wondering what the crap it was all about and where the event was going down. I still dont know who was heading the event, but apparently it was just a lovely student event taking place before spring break at the student union. You know the kind....they have free food and games. In fact, thats exactly what the sign said. I believe the exact words were "Free food! Free games! Free condoms! Lots of fun!" I started to walk on thinking to myself "Oh what a great time that'd be" when all of a sudden I had to stop and think for a minute. Did that sign just say Free condoms?! I looked back and sure enough it did. I wiped my eyes and it still said Free condoms. I slapped myself in the face in an attempt to wake myself up and it still said Free condoms. NOW YOU TELL ME.....IS THIS THE MESSAGE WE WANT TO SEND OUR COLLEGE STUDENTS THESE DAYS!!! Haha listen to me....I sound like a presidential candidate. But seriously, why the crap if I want free fun, which includes games and food, do I need condoms? I mean, safe sex is a very smart thing dont get me wrong, but if you were part of an organization running such a social event, wouldnt you feel somewhat sad if a bunch of people came to your event for the condoms alone? I know I would. It is amazing what the words "free" and "condoms" can do for a college organization, but if you ask me the words "free" and "kleenex" would be better, because everybody knows that masterbation is better than free food, games and condoms combined!
I think UT has one of the highest blind people populations in the nation. Seriously! I dont want to sound mean here because I am one of the most sympathetic people IN THE WORLD! Ok ok....maybe just North America. Anyways, I think I see ON AVERAGE 5 blind people a day here at UT. Now Ive talked to my fellow collegues at various universities all over the nation and I have concluded that there is not ONE SINGLE blind person at any of these colleges. Ok....so maybe that is a bit of a stretch. But I am pretty sure that none of my friends attending these different colleges see as many blind people in a year than I see in a day. Ok ok ok...just to give you a clue, I think I see more blind people in a day than I do hot girls.....and no thats not a stretch. Of course we are talking about UT here, which is known as the capital of ugly chicks and as far as Im concerned blind people as well. In fact Ive done a lot of thinking about this lately and Ive come up with a figure in my mind that I feel is very important for high school seniors looking at UT. It is the blind people to hot girls ratio. Now the point of this ratio is not to prove how many blind people there are, because that is not a factor that should be considered while picking a college. It is however supposed to point out how many hot girls that attend UT. After all, that is an important tid bit that straight guys should consider while choosing a college. Thats why I plan on spreading the word that UTs blind people to hot girl ratio is 4:1, because thats how many blind people to hot girls ON AVERAGE I see per day. And for all you girls out there that think Im being mean and inconsiderate, shut up, because in the back of your mind, you know Im right.....
Keeping on the topic of ugly chicks, you know what pisses me off more than anything in the world?......UGLY CHICKS IN HOT CHICK CLOTHING!!! I mean, do they actually think I want to see their rolls hanging out from under their shirt that is three sizes too small and their jeans that ride lower than a well dressed plumber. If they think thats sexy they are wrong. That kind of look only works on the hottest of chicks and to tell you the truth the slutiest of chicks usually. Due to this fact, I guess we can call these ugly, hot clothes wearing chicks slutabes, because thats what they want to be, sluts! I know Im being really mean right now, but seriously, if you ugly chicks that dress like this want a wake up call, here you go. Just wear a sweater or something none revealing from now on...PLEASE...THATS ALL I ASK!! If you dont I will be forced to retaliate and I dont think you want that. If you think this wake up call in my blog is mean, just wait to see what I have in store for you if you dont do as I ask. Here is my plan.....Since Im no prize myself, I will use my body to make you cover up yours. I will organize a gang of below average joes and buy a bunch of speedos. We will then proceed to put these speedos on and walk around in them everywhere we go, not caring how gross and disgusting we look. All the average and hot people's lives will be ruined and the only way we will stop is if you cover your ugly asses up yourselves. Hopefully if the presence of our ugly asses doesnt make you cover yours up, then the pressure of society will. The way I see it, if we prance around in our speedos for long enough and society knows our purpose, they will go after the cause.....and guess what ugly chicks that dress slutty.....THATS YOU!! So next time you pull out your skinny ass t-shirt and your low rider pants that show half your ass crack, think about what you may create. If you use your mind you can avoid a lot of pain and suffering....trust me!
Im really not that mean I swear. I only pretend to be mean in my blog to be humorous. However, by admitting that Im mean to be humorous, I take away from the humor, so just disregard everything I just said. Well, thats all for tonight. Until next time......
Is there such thing as an ugly chick? Are the UT chicks really that bad, or is this just another sign that Brian is gay? If Brian, and a bunch of below average joes, went out and bought speedos to show off their bodies, would that make them slutabes? You certainly wont find out next time! Same gay time....same gay place.........
So Im walking through my dorm last week and I catch a huge sign out of the corner of my eye. I look over and in big bold letters it reads "LOOKING TO HAVE A BIT OF FUN BEFORE SPRING BREAK!" Being the outgoing person I am, I stopped and read the sign wondering what the crap it was all about and where the event was going down. I still dont know who was heading the event, but apparently it was just a lovely student event taking place before spring break at the student union. You know the kind....they have free food and games. In fact, thats exactly what the sign said. I believe the exact words were "Free food! Free games! Free condoms! Lots of fun!" I started to walk on thinking to myself "Oh what a great time that'd be" when all of a sudden I had to stop and think for a minute. Did that sign just say Free condoms?! I looked back and sure enough it did. I wiped my eyes and it still said Free condoms. I slapped myself in the face in an attempt to wake myself up and it still said Free condoms. NOW YOU TELL ME.....IS THIS THE MESSAGE WE WANT TO SEND OUR COLLEGE STUDENTS THESE DAYS!!! Haha listen to me....I sound like a presidential candidate. But seriously, why the crap if I want free fun, which includes games and food, do I need condoms? I mean, safe sex is a very smart thing dont get me wrong, but if you were part of an organization running such a social event, wouldnt you feel somewhat sad if a bunch of people came to your event for the condoms alone? I know I would. It is amazing what the words "free" and "condoms" can do for a college organization, but if you ask me the words "free" and "kleenex" would be better, because everybody knows that masterbation is better than free food, games and condoms combined!
I think UT has one of the highest blind people populations in the nation. Seriously! I dont want to sound mean here because I am one of the most sympathetic people IN THE WORLD! Ok ok....maybe just North America. Anyways, I think I see ON AVERAGE 5 blind people a day here at UT. Now Ive talked to my fellow collegues at various universities all over the nation and I have concluded that there is not ONE SINGLE blind person at any of these colleges. Ok....so maybe that is a bit of a stretch. But I am pretty sure that none of my friends attending these different colleges see as many blind people in a year than I see in a day. Ok ok ok...just to give you a clue, I think I see more blind people in a day than I do hot girls.....and no thats not a stretch. Of course we are talking about UT here, which is known as the capital of ugly chicks and as far as Im concerned blind people as well. In fact Ive done a lot of thinking about this lately and Ive come up with a figure in my mind that I feel is very important for high school seniors looking at UT. It is the blind people to hot girls ratio. Now the point of this ratio is not to prove how many blind people there are, because that is not a factor that should be considered while picking a college. It is however supposed to point out how many hot girls that attend UT. After all, that is an important tid bit that straight guys should consider while choosing a college. Thats why I plan on spreading the word that UTs blind people to hot girl ratio is 4:1, because thats how many blind people to hot girls ON AVERAGE I see per day. And for all you girls out there that think Im being mean and inconsiderate, shut up, because in the back of your mind, you know Im right.....
Keeping on the topic of ugly chicks, you know what pisses me off more than anything in the world?......UGLY CHICKS IN HOT CHICK CLOTHING!!! I mean, do they actually think I want to see their rolls hanging out from under their shirt that is three sizes too small and their jeans that ride lower than a well dressed plumber. If they think thats sexy they are wrong. That kind of look only works on the hottest of chicks and to tell you the truth the slutiest of chicks usually. Due to this fact, I guess we can call these ugly, hot clothes wearing chicks slutabes, because thats what they want to be, sluts! I know Im being really mean right now, but seriously, if you ugly chicks that dress like this want a wake up call, here you go. Just wear a sweater or something none revealing from now on...PLEASE...THATS ALL I ASK!! If you dont I will be forced to retaliate and I dont think you want that. If you think this wake up call in my blog is mean, just wait to see what I have in store for you if you dont do as I ask. Here is my plan.....Since Im no prize myself, I will use my body to make you cover up yours. I will organize a gang of below average joes and buy a bunch of speedos. We will then proceed to put these speedos on and walk around in them everywhere we go, not caring how gross and disgusting we look. All the average and hot people's lives will be ruined and the only way we will stop is if you cover your ugly asses up yourselves. Hopefully if the presence of our ugly asses doesnt make you cover yours up, then the pressure of society will. The way I see it, if we prance around in our speedos for long enough and society knows our purpose, they will go after the cause.....and guess what ugly chicks that dress slutty.....THATS YOU!! So next time you pull out your skinny ass t-shirt and your low rider pants that show half your ass crack, think about what you may create. If you use your mind you can avoid a lot of pain and suffering....trust me!
Im really not that mean I swear. I only pretend to be mean in my blog to be humorous. However, by admitting that Im mean to be humorous, I take away from the humor, so just disregard everything I just said. Well, thats all for tonight. Until next time......
Is there such thing as an ugly chick? Are the UT chicks really that bad, or is this just another sign that Brian is gay? If Brian, and a bunch of below average joes, went out and bought speedos to show off their bodies, would that make them slutabes? You certainly wont find out next time! Same gay time....same gay place.........
