Sunday, February 29, 2004
Well everybody....I have a new theme to live by in life.....and no...theme is not the same thing as MOTTO. By the way, for those of you who made fun of me for spelling motto wrong, I only have one thing to say to you.....PEOPLE ARE STUPID....and yes that includes myself. Anyway, my new theme in life is this.....Phase 2. Phase 2? Thats right phase 2. You see today I turned 20 years old and its brought a lot of questions to my mind. Where am I going? Where will I end up? Will I make it to phase 3? What the crap is a phase you ask. Well dont fret...let me tell you. In my mind there are an average of four phases in ones life each representing 20 years. For me, phase one has passed and while it was good, it could have been in so many ways much better. Now its time for me to start the phase 2 era, ages 20-40. For a normal human being this phase is by far the most crucial. In this phase one will get married, obtain a career, and probably find out whether he or she will ever get any in his or her life time. I know there are late bloomers out there, but we are talking average conditions here. And then of course there is phase 3, when one retires and resorts to a life of golf and fun in the sun. And then the fourth and final phase is all down hill. This is when your body starts to disfunction and you start crapping your pants. For the unlucky, there is a fifth phase, age 80-100. This my friends is probably the worst phase of them all. For those that receive such misfortune, this is the phase where one probably finds themselves in a nursing home and talking to themselves....and crapping their pants still. Ok ok...let me get back on track here. Now that you understand the principle of phases, let me take the chance to recap on my phase one. Phase one brought me many happy moments like I said, but it could have been oh so much better. Allow me to summarize the first 20 years of my life in 20 short facts about myself...each fact depicting one year of my life. Without further ado, I present to you "20 short facts about Brian Brough's life" in this SPECIAL 5TH BIRTHDAY ADDITION of Bdoffs Happy Fun Gay Times Returns......
1) Favorite three movies (in order)- Back to the Future, Frequency, Indiana Jones and the last Crusade
2) Favorite television show- Do you even need to ask? Ok...I guess you never did. Its 24 though for you retards out there.
3) Favorite Band- There are tons of great 80s bands and singers out there, but if I had to choose one I'd go with REO Speedwagon.
4) Favorite song- REO Speedwagon- I cant fight this feeling anymore
5) Favorite Sport- Golf Course.....I mean golf of course.....im retarded.
6) Number of girlfriends-0
Average number of girlfriends/boyfriends one has had after phase one-around 4 or 5
7) Number of dates- 0
Average number of dates one has had after phase one- lets say 3-5 per person gone out with, so 12-25.
8) Most embarrassing moment- When I asked Stacy Weiland out in 10th grade. Lets just say the way I did it, putting anounamous notes in her locker, was not the way to go about it. Thats ok though...she turned out to be a man anyway. I guess god was watching over me.
9) Thing I hate most about phase one- The assholes at school that always got lucky. Hot girlfriends, good athletic abilities, and most were dumber than my dog. The worst thing is I know I will see them again in future phases, so Im not out of the woods yet. It will only be every thursday though, because thats when they will pick up my garbage.
10) High point of phase one- Probably Junior year when the Eastwood Golf team made it to state. That was the highest sense of personal pride Ive ever had and those were some of the best days of my life. 2nd highest point came a week later when I received second team all state honors.
11) Person I hated the most- I wont say it because I know it will spread faster than jelly, but his name rhymes with Brent Snyder. Too bad he was an asshole that actually had some brains....he would make a fine Burger King employee.....Would you like an apple pie with that?
12) Job experiences- Belmont country club as a caddy and OPV baby...thats right...who goes from being a caddy to feeding old peeps. Not many thats for sure... they should make a tv show about my job life.
13) Best friends- Shiffert, Sibbersen, Bryn, Bock, Laird, Sarver, Nabors, Stallion, Ross, Gardner......you noticing a pattern here?
14) Number of slow dances- around 10 (all with people that asked me!)
Average number of slow dances in phase one of ones life-around 40
15) Best times of phase one (in order)- State golf, Platte Lake vacations with various families in the early stages of phase one, and bonfires at bocks place.
16) Worst times of phase one (in order)- Asking Weiland out, everytime Brent Snyder talked to me, and when I took Honors physics senior year.
17) Most annoying person I knew- Probably RC....my suitemate....I will be writing about him next post.
18) Thing I know most about- Golf probably....I dont know for sure though....Im stupid in a lot of areas.
19) Thing I know least about- Computers and woman.......good thing I know the Metcalf brothers.
20) On a scale of one to ten, how I rank my phase one- 6
Well I hope you all enjoyed my behind the scenes look at phase one. I hope you enjoyed my deepest darkest secrets that Ive kept hidden for so long. To all of you that helped celebrate my birthday with me, I thank you...you are all good friends. For those of you that didnt, I have one thing to say to you......YOURE STUPID! Thats all for tonight. Until next time......
After reading this post, would you consider Bdoff to be a loser? Who would ask Bdoff to slow dance? Will his Fedex package get to Boston overnight?( It better or we are all DOOMED!) Find out next time...say gay time...same gay place....
1) Favorite three movies (in order)- Back to the Future, Frequency, Indiana Jones and the last Crusade
2) Favorite television show- Do you even need to ask? Ok...I guess you never did. Its 24 though for you retards out there.
3) Favorite Band- There are tons of great 80s bands and singers out there, but if I had to choose one I'd go with REO Speedwagon.
4) Favorite song- REO Speedwagon- I cant fight this feeling anymore
5) Favorite Sport- Golf Course.....I mean golf of course.....im retarded.
6) Number of girlfriends-0
Average number of girlfriends/boyfriends one has had after phase one-around 4 or 5
7) Number of dates- 0
Average number of dates one has had after phase one- lets say 3-5 per person gone out with, so 12-25.
8) Most embarrassing moment- When I asked Stacy Weiland out in 10th grade. Lets just say the way I did it, putting anounamous notes in her locker, was not the way to go about it. Thats ok though...she turned out to be a man anyway. I guess god was watching over me.
9) Thing I hate most about phase one- The assholes at school that always got lucky. Hot girlfriends, good athletic abilities, and most were dumber than my dog. The worst thing is I know I will see them again in future phases, so Im not out of the woods yet. It will only be every thursday though, because thats when they will pick up my garbage.
10) High point of phase one- Probably Junior year when the Eastwood Golf team made it to state. That was the highest sense of personal pride Ive ever had and those were some of the best days of my life. 2nd highest point came a week later when I received second team all state honors.
11) Person I hated the most- I wont say it because I know it will spread faster than jelly, but his name rhymes with Brent Snyder. Too bad he was an asshole that actually had some brains....he would make a fine Burger King employee.....Would you like an apple pie with that?
12) Job experiences- Belmont country club as a caddy and OPV baby...thats right...who goes from being a caddy to feeding old peeps. Not many thats for sure... they should make a tv show about my job life.
13) Best friends- Shiffert, Sibbersen, Bryn, Bock, Laird, Sarver, Nabors, Stallion, Ross, Gardner......you noticing a pattern here?
14) Number of slow dances- around 10 (all with people that asked me!)
Average number of slow dances in phase one of ones life-around 40
15) Best times of phase one (in order)- State golf, Platte Lake vacations with various families in the early stages of phase one, and bonfires at bocks place.
16) Worst times of phase one (in order)- Asking Weiland out, everytime Brent Snyder talked to me, and when I took Honors physics senior year.
17) Most annoying person I knew- Probably RC....my suitemate....I will be writing about him next post.
18) Thing I know most about- Golf probably....I dont know for sure though....Im stupid in a lot of areas.
19) Thing I know least about- Computers and woman.......good thing I know the Metcalf brothers.
20) On a scale of one to ten, how I rank my phase one- 6
Well I hope you all enjoyed my behind the scenes look at phase one. I hope you enjoyed my deepest darkest secrets that Ive kept hidden for so long. To all of you that helped celebrate my birthday with me, I thank you...you are all good friends. For those of you that didnt, I have one thing to say to you......YOURE STUPID! Thats all for tonight. Until next time......
After reading this post, would you consider Bdoff to be a loser? Who would ask Bdoff to slow dance? Will his Fedex package get to Boston overnight?( It better or we are all DOOMED!) Find out next time...say gay time...same gay place....
Monday, February 02, 2004
Boy do I have something to go off about tonight. Ok...here is the deal. For tonight, and every night preceding it, I want you to keep my new personal modo in mind.....People are stupid. Repeat that....People are stupid. What I mean is that people as a whole are stupid, not a particular person is stupid. However, chances are that either A) I think you are stupid. B) You think I am stupid. or C) You dont even know me, in which case I think you're stupid for not knowing me. Either way, my modo stands true....what is it again?....THATS RIGHT...PEOPLE ARE STUPID. Ok...Im not going to repeat myself over and over again. I do plan on backing this up, as I always do. So sit back, and read my rant....that is if you arent too stupid.......
So I get up this morning and the first thing I decide to do is check my email. Half out of it, I click on the internet explorer icon and go straight to yahoo.com. Before I even knew what hit me, my computer screen is swarming with pop up ads. I mean, I didnt even see the yahoo front page. I clicked on explorer and I had ads popping up every which way like a gang of homeless dogs after a ration of bread. ANYWAY, I started to franticly click out of the ads as I always do when all of a sudden something happened that I never thought would. One of these ads caught my eye. In big bold letters it said.......TIRED OF ANNOYING POP ADS ON THE INTERNET! CLICK HERE! At first I thought to myself thats the first good pop up ad Ive ever seen. But the more I thought about it, the more stupid I thought it was. What dumb ass company makes a pop up ad advertising pop up blockers. Pretty much what they are doing is allowing people to block their ads. I dont know what you all think about this, but I think it helps prove my theory that people are stupid.
Whoever came up with the idea of Groundhog's Day should be shot! Im seriously serious! What the crap does Groundhog's Day celebrate? Most holidays have a meaning, or a sense of being, but Groundhog's Day may be the only holiday that I feel doesnt. Allow me to summarize for those that are slow exactly what happens. Some fat ass mayor from Puxatonny, or however you spell it (for our sake Ill call it P-tonny from now on) comes up with his cane and gives this dumb Groundhog's door a little tap tap tap a roo. To the surprise of many P-tonnyians, the Groundhog doesnt answer and the mayor has to lean his big ass over, open the door, and take out the Groundhog. The Groundhog apparently tells the mayor of P-tonny whether or not he sees his shadow or not. If he sees his shadow, we have 6 more weeks of winter. If he doesnt, we have an early Spring or as some say it, we have 6 more weeks til Spring...................................................I got a news flash for you P-tonnyians......IT DOESNT MATTER WHETHER YOUR DUMBASS GR0UNDHOG SEES HIS SHADOW OR NOT.....SPRING IS 6 WEEKS AWAY NO MATTER HOW YOU LOOK AT IT. Yes I know Im being harsh and some of you may not feel my feeling towards Groundhog's day. But seriously, what has this holiday brought us? Absolutely nothing. The only thing it's brought is fame to P-tonny. Hell you'd think with a name like P-tonny, you'd be on the map for sure, but no you gotta go get greedy and come up with some stupid holiday. Before you know it, you got some stupid Groundhog living better than half of Americans, a town full of people that believe in a Groundhog that can predict the weather better than any meteorologist (well, I guess I believe in that too), and a movie that almost was the end of Bill Murray's career. Oh but why should you P-tonnyians care...you still got your fame. But the rest of us Americans, especially I, know that you are all STUPID!
I just wanted to get one little thing off my chest before I wrapped things up tonight...and no its not the hair! Some of you, a few in particular, have always put down my blog for different reasons and thats fine. Im going to keep these few unknown, but here is a little clue...their names rhyme with Scott Shiffert and Scott Sibbersen. For example, the other night I had the closet thing to a relevant conversation with Sibbersen than Ive ever had before. He told me that this blog thing needed to stop and that his favorite part of my last post was the questions at the end, because that meant he didnt have to read any more of my crap. He also went on to say it was the most boring thing he has ever read. I would probably agree with him, if I didnt know HIM. For those of you who dont know Sibbersen, allow me to explain him the best I can. Sibbersen is a simple man...a little too simple at times. He has got the basic, boring farming look down..you know...jeans, wifebeater covered by a button down T, phone hooked on the side of his pants, goatee.....ok I dont know if all farmers look like that, but he definately doesnt stand out thats for sure. Now Sibbersen has a voice deeper than my dad, and if he were to teach a class or give a speech, he would put the whole world to sleep....thats right...even those not even around him. I know I shouldnt base Sibbersen's boredom on his appearance and voice alone b/c there are plenty of other people that arent boring that have his same features, so I wont. However, there is one other thing about Sibbersen that makes him one of the most boring beings this side of P-tonny. .....his instant messenger conversations. I wish I had one saved for you all to read, but Im going to have to make due and describe them to you best I can. Lets say I were to start a convo by saying Hello Sibbersen? He would reply with a yeah? How are you doing?
Sib: good
Me:what are you doing tonight?
Sib: nothing
Me: Want to do something?
Sib: ?
Me: What does that mean?
Sib:?
Before I know it, Im typing messages that go something like this....
Me: naosdifnasdoifnasdoifnsa
Sib: ?
Me:naosdfhnadosifiodsafn
because Ive fall asleep and my head is rolling around on the keyboard. Yes I know that is a bigger stretch than the marks on Oprahs ass, but the point I was trying to make is that Sibbersen isnt exactly Mr. Personality either. And do you know whatelse he is.....thats right....STUPID!
I hope I have brought a smile to your face tonight. And if I havent that means your one of two things....A) in a really bad mood or B) Stupid. Well, thats all I have for tonight. Until next time.....
Which is more stupid: a pop up ad advertising a pop up blocker or Brian for not taking advantage of a pop up blocker and opting to complain about it instead? Can the P-tonny Groundhog really talk? Does Oprah really have stretch marks on her ass? Find out next time...same gay time...same gay place.....
So I get up this morning and the first thing I decide to do is check my email. Half out of it, I click on the internet explorer icon and go straight to yahoo.com. Before I even knew what hit me, my computer screen is swarming with pop up ads. I mean, I didnt even see the yahoo front page. I clicked on explorer and I had ads popping up every which way like a gang of homeless dogs after a ration of bread. ANYWAY, I started to franticly click out of the ads as I always do when all of a sudden something happened that I never thought would. One of these ads caught my eye. In big bold letters it said.......TIRED OF ANNOYING POP ADS ON THE INTERNET! CLICK HERE! At first I thought to myself thats the first good pop up ad Ive ever seen. But the more I thought about it, the more stupid I thought it was. What dumb ass company makes a pop up ad advertising pop up blockers. Pretty much what they are doing is allowing people to block their ads. I dont know what you all think about this, but I think it helps prove my theory that people are stupid.
Whoever came up with the idea of Groundhog's Day should be shot! Im seriously serious! What the crap does Groundhog's Day celebrate? Most holidays have a meaning, or a sense of being, but Groundhog's Day may be the only holiday that I feel doesnt. Allow me to summarize for those that are slow exactly what happens. Some fat ass mayor from Puxatonny, or however you spell it (for our sake Ill call it P-tonny from now on) comes up with his cane and gives this dumb Groundhog's door a little tap tap tap a roo. To the surprise of many P-tonnyians, the Groundhog doesnt answer and the mayor has to lean his big ass over, open the door, and take out the Groundhog. The Groundhog apparently tells the mayor of P-tonny whether or not he sees his shadow or not. If he sees his shadow, we have 6 more weeks of winter. If he doesnt, we have an early Spring or as some say it, we have 6 more weeks til Spring...................................................I got a news flash for you P-tonnyians......IT DOESNT MATTER WHETHER YOUR DUMBASS GR0UNDHOG SEES HIS SHADOW OR NOT.....SPRING IS 6 WEEKS AWAY NO MATTER HOW YOU LOOK AT IT. Yes I know Im being harsh and some of you may not feel my feeling towards Groundhog's day. But seriously, what has this holiday brought us? Absolutely nothing. The only thing it's brought is fame to P-tonny. Hell you'd think with a name like P-tonny, you'd be on the map for sure, but no you gotta go get greedy and come up with some stupid holiday. Before you know it, you got some stupid Groundhog living better than half of Americans, a town full of people that believe in a Groundhog that can predict the weather better than any meteorologist (well, I guess I believe in that too), and a movie that almost was the end of Bill Murray's career. Oh but why should you P-tonnyians care...you still got your fame. But the rest of us Americans, especially I, know that you are all STUPID!
I just wanted to get one little thing off my chest before I wrapped things up tonight...and no its not the hair! Some of you, a few in particular, have always put down my blog for different reasons and thats fine. Im going to keep these few unknown, but here is a little clue...their names rhyme with Scott Shiffert and Scott Sibbersen. For example, the other night I had the closet thing to a relevant conversation with Sibbersen than Ive ever had before. He told me that this blog thing needed to stop and that his favorite part of my last post was the questions at the end, because that meant he didnt have to read any more of my crap. He also went on to say it was the most boring thing he has ever read. I would probably agree with him, if I didnt know HIM. For those of you who dont know Sibbersen, allow me to explain him the best I can. Sibbersen is a simple man...a little too simple at times. He has got the basic, boring farming look down..you know...jeans, wifebeater covered by a button down T, phone hooked on the side of his pants, goatee.....ok I dont know if all farmers look like that, but he definately doesnt stand out thats for sure. Now Sibbersen has a voice deeper than my dad, and if he were to teach a class or give a speech, he would put the whole world to sleep....thats right...even those not even around him. I know I shouldnt base Sibbersen's boredom on his appearance and voice alone b/c there are plenty of other people that arent boring that have his same features, so I wont. However, there is one other thing about Sibbersen that makes him one of the most boring beings this side of P-tonny. .....his instant messenger conversations. I wish I had one saved for you all to read, but Im going to have to make due and describe them to you best I can. Lets say I were to start a convo by saying Hello Sibbersen? He would reply with a yeah? How are you doing?
Sib: good
Me:what are you doing tonight?
Sib: nothing
Me: Want to do something?
Sib: ?
Me: What does that mean?
Sib:?
Before I know it, Im typing messages that go something like this....
Me: naosdifnasdoifnasdoifnsa
Sib: ?
Me:naosdfhnadosifiodsafn
because Ive fall asleep and my head is rolling around on the keyboard. Yes I know that is a bigger stretch than the marks on Oprahs ass, but the point I was trying to make is that Sibbersen isnt exactly Mr. Personality either. And do you know whatelse he is.....thats right....STUPID!
I hope I have brought a smile to your face tonight. And if I havent that means your one of two things....A) in a really bad mood or B) Stupid. Well, thats all I have for tonight. Until next time.....
Which is more stupid: a pop up ad advertising a pop up blocker or Brian for not taking advantage of a pop up blocker and opting to complain about it instead? Can the P-tonny Groundhog really talk? Does Oprah really have stretch marks on her ass? Find out next time...same gay time...same gay place.....
